my life with depression.com

You and I have jousted as to who is more in love with the other person. I’ll have to admit that I am the one. I know I’ve held a place for you to come home to in my heart since 19??. That’s more than 10 years. I’ve thought of you on and off since our high school days ended.

I wish so much that things worked out for us after school or even during. But then again, would we be the same person that we are now? We are shaped by our experiences. Would we be better people and would we have brought out the best in each other? I don’t know and unfortunately we shall never know. Would you have hurt me again for the second time? Was it best that we didn’t get involved then? Maybe.

But for some reason, fate has brought us back together. I am overwhelmed with the feelings that I have felt for you all these years. I never want to have regrets and I don’t regret not contacting you. It saddens me though because we had so many lost opportunities. I don’t regret the conversations, communications and connections that we’ve recently had. I’ve missed you —and — I didn’t even realize it.

I have shared my favorite saying with you by William Bryant Jennings: Destiny is not a matter of chance; it is a matter of choice. It is not something to be waited for; it is something to be achieved. Ultimately I don’t believe I am your destiny and you mine. We’ve reconnected because I belive that we will always be connectedd somehow for the rest of our lives. I don’t know what it is, but you are always going to be with me. May be not as my lover, but as someone who will always stir my deepest emotions.

Our reconnect has made me question myself. It’s made me question the decisions that I’ve made. AND that’s good because one should always evaluate one’s situation through out life. You’ve made me want you — unless — I’ve always wanted you. I think it’s the latter. I would love the chance - then, now or at our 50th reunion to have more with you, but I am afreaid that once we live the day to day, the mystery dissoves away and we are left with the real person bare naked in front of us. I’m sure that when that happens, everything that we feel for each other would also dissove away. I don’t want that. I want to continue keeping you up on a pedestal and I don’t want to be a fallen angel in your eyes. I don’t want reality to set in. I want to keep our "Bizzaro" world. So with that, we’ll have to say good bye to our current friendship and hello to another.

I love you.

I will always love you.

Me.