my life with depression.com

back in february… i think… i asked the question: do leopards change their spots?

the answer has to be no. there has to be a reason why that saying is still around. people don’t just maintain such things if they are not at least 75% true.

i believe that we are all born with a core personality that will not change. if a person is thoughtless, that person is thoughtless. if a person is overbearing, then that person is overbearing. if a person is …. well, i think that i’ve made some type of point.

there are things that can be changed such as communication skills. but due to genetics, environment and experience there are just some things that cannot be changed. let me correct myself. they can be changed but very little.

these core personal dimensions are:

1. intellect - not education, but the ability to grasp new information, how rapidly the mind functions, how well ideas are conceptualized and how information is stored in the mind. you can usually tell if the person is where you are based on a conversation. are they mentally as quick as you?

2. energy level - just as an example: are you the type who likes to do chores all day on the weekends or are you the type who wants to spend it on the couch watching football?

3. spirituality - has nothing to do with being religious, but how much capacity you have within to think and perceive beyond this world, beyond the concrete existence

4. education and/or the appreciation for the value of education and the hard work that it requires

5. appearance - level of attractiveness

6. sense of humor - to either generate humor or to be able to appreciate humor. in relation to relationships, the ability to laugh at the same places in life relates deeply to a shared perspective on life events. what we find funny, and what we don’t. laughing at the same things with your partner indicate that you have similar values. when a person has a tendency to not “get a joke,” it’s usually indicative of their outlook on life, educational/family background or overall general attitude.  bad sense of humor: sarcasm, using others as the but of the jokes, racist and/or inappropriate sexual humor.

7. mood management - mood swings: how frequent or extreme

8. traditional vs. nontraditional personalities - are you a planner or someone spontaneous or someone in the middle? are you always 10 minutes early or always 10 minutes late? are you the quiet, subdued passive person or the loud, dynamic, controlling person?  the spontaneous, irresponsible type or the stable and conservative type? hippie or corporate?

9. ambition - are you the highly motivated, competitive, zealous, “get-up-get-moving-get-ahead” type or are you a person who is content with the status quo and just want to “kickback and enjoy life?” how much time are you willing to commit to your career vs. your family? some high ambition, high-pressure occupations are: fast track careers, professional athletes, politicians, medical doctors. these careers also tend to churn out more divorces unless the spouse is equally as committed to their success.

10. sexual passion - the values and attitudes about sex. the amount of physical desires. enough said.

11. artistic passion - is music entertainment or is music your life?

12. values - money: own a savings account? go pay check to pay check? save all your money? shop a lot? ever balance your checkbook? into instant gratification? want a comfortable future or want to spend money and enjoy life to the fullest now? frugal? generous?  how a person values money says a lot about their self-conception and character.

social and political issues: liberal, conservative, moderate or just don’t give a damn?

environmental issues: do you recycle everything or not?

13. industry - your attitude and orientation toward work. lazy or workaholic or in between?

14.  curiosity - natural inquisitiveness. fascination with details or broad-brush approach.

15. vitality and security-

vitality: to look vital, healthy and good shape physically. cross cultural studies around the world have shown that the number one thing that men look for in a woman is this (the look of “fertility”)

security: the ability to provide the sense of security. examples: women want men who will help her to create a home in which she can feel safe; a lifestyle in which she can have and raise children in a healthy, secure environment; without having to worry about where the food, clothing or rent money is comeing from. most women still want a man who can provide economic, emotional and physical security - even if she’s achieved success in her career. the ability to allow a person to be “emotionally naked” to where the other person can be vulnerable and expose their deepest thoughts, dreams, hopes and desires without fear of condemnation or humiliation. to have the courage to do whatever is possible to prevent “her” from physical injury, abuse or pain.

16. autonomy vs. closeness - the amount one desires to spend with other people or partner. do you need to recharge your “emotional batteries” after being with other people? do you need “a lot of space?” do you like holding hands all the time (with your partner)? do you always have to be talking with someone?