my life with depression.com

i’ve started to get in touch with my emotions. i’ve been doing three things.

#1 i’ve been spending 5-10 mins a day in total silence. i close my eyes and i use my other senses. i focus on the “background” noise that we ignore everyday. i try to listen to the humming of the fridge, feel my cloths against my skin, taste my morning breath - tastes like mint! and smell whatever it is i smell.

#2 i’ve been reading books on relationships and personalities. it’s a far cry from the 1950’s  world war ll spy books that i was reading last year. these books have somehow helped me understand and define my feelings. i am learning to feel something and put it into words or to recognize things about myself and put that into words.

#3 i’ve also began painting. i don’t think that i really appreciated art until i took an art history class in college. i’ve always enjoyed history and culture but this class bridged my love of history/culture and my new found love of art; especially western art (paintings) - hhmmmm i wonder why?? maybe it’s because that’s all you ever touch on in school.

it’s funny that i should say “new found love of art” because while in paris, i went crazy at the louvre. the area that i most wanted to spend time in was  the ancient civilization area. i guess i’ve always loved art; that is if i can associate  culture and history to it. i went crazy over the the code of hamurabi. i went nuts!

as you can see, i’ve never taken an art class - painting, drawing, wood working… etc. never. i try to do my best and i try to include the emotions that i feel as i paint. does that make sense? i’m kinda learning how to use each brush, i’m learning how to change the consistency of acrylic paint and how to blend colors. at the same time, i am learning how to make things look 3 dimensional rather than flat.

the first two are copied, drawn out then painted. i especially took time to do these. the tree is just free hand. i really loved my tree. it really turned out awesome. i loved how my colors came out. i tried to think about the trees on marsh road in menlo park, ca just coming off of middlefield road. they are on both sides of the street and they almost encase the street. i also imagined a tree that my friend angelica and i were standing under in the rain while waiting for the ramen place to seat us in san mateo. she pointed up and said how lovely that tree would be to paint. sucks that i don’t know how to draw or paint people. hence the top of the head.