my life with depression.com

for some reason, i was looking for the encyclopedia’s definition of cohabitation. i can’t recall why, but i saved the info on a word doc and i’m glad i read it again. some interesting things when you think about whether to cohabitate before marriage or not.

Cohabitation is defined as an emotional, physical, and intellectually intimate relationship which includes a common living place and which exists without the benefit of legal, cultural, or religious sanction.

Several common reasons for couples to decide to live together include wanting to test compatibility before marrying, living with someone before marriage as a good way to avoid divorce, and/or seeing little difference between the commitment to live together and the commitment to marriage. But the three most important positive consequences and reasons commonly cited by cohabiting couples are simply companionship, sexual gratification, and economic gain.

Some couples prefer cohabitation because it does not legally commit them for an extended period of time, and because it is easier to establish and dissolve.

Cohabitation has been dramatically on the rise in the United States within the last few decades. This phenomenon is becoming very widespread, and has impacted many aspects of family life and personal relationships as a whole.

There are many indicators suggesting different reasons for this trend: separation of sex and reproduction, declining authority of religion, legal repercussions of divorce, and increased presence of women in labor market.

Gender differences

Male cohabitants are less marriage-oriented than their partners. This is supported by a study, which found that the reason for cohabiting for males is sexual gratification or as a way to decide if they would like to make a commitment to the relationship, while for females; marriage was stated as the most important motive.

While young people who cohabit identify with more liberal views on gender equality, most of the household tasks still fall on the women.

. Also, since cohabiting couples are less likely to combine their earned income, as in with marriages, women receive less financial support from their partners than they would in a marriage . The cohabiting trend seems to put women at a disadvantage.

Benefits

Cohabitation can be seen as a substitute for marriage without the financial and legal risks of a divorce, while still fulfilling a human need for close emotional support and social interaction otherwise found in a married life. Cohabitation can also be used as a "trial period" to see how compatible a couple is in a long term relationship in closer proximity.

…it is very important for both people to understand the reasons and expectations for cohabitation in order to prevent disappointment. Both people need to understand their shared reasons for cohabitation, whether it is an intermediate step between marriage, a living arrangement for economic purposes, a substitute for marriage, or intimate sexual relationships.

Risks

than non-cohabiter marriages, however psychologist William Pinsof, president of the Family Institute at Northwestern University argues "It’s impossible to directly compare the effects of marriage and cohabitation, there’s just no way to prove cohabiters’ higher divorce rates aren’t a side effect of their other characteristics.

90% of American cohabitors eventually plan to marry but only less than half actually do. Cohabiter marriages have a 35-50% seperation rate

Those who choose to live together before getting married have a different attitude about marriage to begin with. I think cohabiting is a reflection of that, not a cause of higher divorce rates". On average, most American cohabiting relationships last two years before marriage or a break up; and 63% of cohabiting couples separate . Only about 10% continue to simply live together.

Personality

To attribute premarital cohabitors’ higher subsequent divorce rate and non-premarital-cohabitors’ lower subsequent divorce rate to the fact that they did and did not cohabit before they married is unwarranted and bad science."

people who choose to live together before marriage are not the same people who choose to marry directly

Moreover, while some studies have shown that married people are happier and healthier than single ones, the gap disappears when you factor in cohabitation. In the words of one expert, "Committed cohabiting relationships seem to confer many of the benefits of marriage."

And while 40% of different-sex cohabitors break up before getting married, a greater proportion (55%) get married within 5 years of moving in together

Recent social science research has discovered that premarital cohabitation is related to undesirable marital outcomes such as a higher risk of marital dissolution, greater marital disagreement and instability, less time spent together in shared activities, and less supportive behavior. It has also been found that men who live with women they eventually marry aren’t as committed to the union as those who didn’t live with their mates before tying the knot. On the other hand, people of each gender commonly begin cohabitating without ever intending to marry.

The act of cohabitation is not necessarily what causes these couples to break up. Rather, it has been suggested that the more important factor is the type of people who are cohabiting. Two common theories in this vein are that:

• The partners who chose to cohabit together are individuals with less traditional values and poor relationship skills that link to being more likely to end a union. Cohabitation attracts more egalitarian individuals

• The experience of cohabiting changes people’s opinions on marriages and they develop attitudes that make them more open to divorce. It decreases strict attitudes, and encourages more liberal thinking.

Generally speaking, people who were opposed to cohabitation (such as Catholics) might also be less inclined to divorce. People with more liberal views on cohabitation would presumably be more inclined to divorce.