my life with depression.com

i was reading back on some of my posts. kinda just to see where i’ve been over the past year and where i am now and how i got to where i am today. i guess why i have peace. i still feel my emotions, but i am closer to a constant rather than the ups and downs of someone going through what i’m going through.

i read back on something i found on "my" personality type. granted there are different degrees to which a person can be an enfp, but this is basically me. i’d forgotten all about this now that i’m seeing my support system - or paying an arm and a leg for them i should say - so it was interesting to go back and compare what i’ve learned about myself and to see what this meyers-briggs personality inventory says about me.

ENFPs are basically happy people. (this is true. i’ve always been a happy child. it’s just my tendency. i’m very simple that way i guess. my reputation is that of a "happy" person and when they see me down, people are usually surprised) They may become unhappy when they are confined to strict schedules or mundane tasks. Consequently, ENFPs work best in situations where they have a lot of flexibility, and where they can work with people and ideas. (this is so true. the reason why i loved sales was because i can work on my own schedule. i had the flexibility. though i worked a lot of hours unlike other reps, i do have to say that i chose when, how much and how late i worked. i enjoyed what i did since my job entailed a great deal of social interaction. it was also nice that i was dealing with different types of people - from super educated to not as educated ones, so my job was not so mundane. the time i could not tolerate the job was when it came down to the non-social aspects of the it. the paperwork and the reports. the different ways the company keeps track and confirms that their people are working. bullshit reports that no one will eventually look at or bullshit reports that the typical rep finds unhelpful. the ridiculous-not realistic expectations given down by a management team who are not familiar with the local dynamics of a territory. this therefore creates lies that are created by unrealistic goal setting and the unachievable metrics due to those lies. i just wanted to scream "leave me alone and let me sell!!!") Many go into business for themselves. They have the ability to be quite productive with little supervision, as long as they are excited about what they’re doing. (this is why i thought about going into business for myself. it offers me a lot of what i need to enjoy what i do. also, if i sell a million dollars worth of products, then the profits are all mine. i like the accountability that you get with owning a business.)

Because they are so alert and sensitive, constantly scanning their environments, ENFPs often suffer from muscle tension. (this is why i love massages. it’s not normal for me not to have any tensions on my neck or shoulder. in fact, i feel it now. masseuses usually give up with me.) They have a strong need to be independent, and resist being controlled or labeled. They need to maintain control over themselves, but they do not believe in controlling others. (this is one reason why my current relationship is where it is. i know that i have a tendency to sometimes want to control things, but in the past few years, i’ve learned how to tame that and realize that it’s an ingredient for unhappiness for me. the label statement is funny. i’ve always just done my own thing. regardless of whether i was labeled an nerd or as a person with no style or whatever.) Their dislike of dependence and suppression extends to others as well as to themselves. (i am always ready to encourage and support peers in these types of situations)

ENFPs are charming, ingenuous, risk-taking, sensitive (sometimes a bit too much), people-oriented individuals with capabilities ranging across a broad spectrum. They have many gifts which they will use to fulfill themselves and those near them, if they are able to remain centered (this is something that i am working on. i am also working on being okay with being by myself and not always needing someone "there" with me) and master the ability of following through (sometimes i have so many ideas that it’s hard to make a decision. and when i finally make a decision, i’m off to a new project. that’s what i did well at work. coming up with new solutions or ideas. i do have to say that i’m proud of a game plan that i created-executed-followed through-succeeded in at work. so with that said, i can have follow through. i executed that plan for 1.5 years in my territory. AND it was a bitch to do. it’s just it’s not my natural tendency and i have to work at it more. oh, and i have to have passion for what i’m following through on. but aren’t most people like that?)