my life with depression.com

i don’t know if i’ve ever written whether my support group (well, paid for) consisted of three people. i have my psychiatrist, my therapist and my career counselor.

all these thoughts are probably flying through your mind right now. PSYCHIATRIST??? THERAPIST??? PSYCHO??? MYRA??? CRAZY??? PSYCHOANALYSIS??? anything that has to do with a psychiatrist evokes images that are sooo cliche.

sigmund freud - father of psychoanalysis

that is exactly why i am very open with what is going on with me and my depression. i want to try to dispel any taboos that are associated with it. think about it. it’s just like any other disease/syndrome/condition … hypertension, diabetes, cancer, broken leg… etc. the only difference is that there’s a taboo that’s associated with mental things. due to people’s lack of knowledge, people are uncomfortable with the subject. they visualize the images that they see on tv and think: mass murderer, psycho killer, head banging on the wall … whatever … or maybe something a bit more benign. but you get what i mean. it’s something that people don’t fully understand nor do they want to until it happens not to just a loved one, but when it happens to them.

it’s like other medical issues that are not as easily talked about or understood. a depressed person doesn’t have the visual ques that you would see with a broken leg. it’s like people who have pain. i mean severe pain. no one really believes them, no one really understands nor do people have patience for them.

well, i was fortunate enough that my dad educated me on his condition; so now, i’m educated on what has become my condition. but why do i bring this up now? because i just wanted to set up this next topic that i’m about to start. i have been told that i am talkative. well, actually, all through out my life i’ve been reminded that and that i have a lot to say. this journaling thing has really made me realize it. i’ve always been aware, but …. you know me.

i was always impressed with people who had strong opinions on things because i felt like i never had opinions on things. but WOW reading through my little blog shows that i do! plus i’ve also been focusing on bringing into words my feelings. although i am a very ‘feeling/empathetic’ type of person, ask me what i’m feeling or what my opinion is or anything like that … that’s a no can do. expect me to cry or laugh or go nuts, that’s a definite can do. that means i’m just more outward with my emotions - yeah? i think that i’m realizing that now.

okay… again … tangents … tangents … tangents!!!! focus. concentrate myra.

well, i was going to write about something that came up in my therapy session yesterday, but now i’m off on another line of thought. and that other line is …. drum roll please …. asjdg sfjsdlfjsjfljljfjasfjlsjfljdfjfjfjjfljsdfjsfjowfansvnoiserk …. all the things i’m doing now.

i know how exciting!!!! don’t worry. i’m totally excited with you!!!

. . . . . . . . . CAREER COUNSELOR

i did this exercise for my career thing. i was suppose to list out what activities i’ve been doing and enjoying lately. many of them were solo/alone things. ME? SOLO? ALONE? the girl who can’t stand to be off the phone or in contact with people??? yes. breath. i have grown. i’ve been spending my "time off" alone. i’m becoming more independent. i’m growing inwards rather than always spending my time "outside" of me. i have started to build my inside strength. it’s kinda cool. these times have given me the opportunity to reflect. something that i’ve never done since i was always on the go go go go go go go! meeting with people here, talking with people there … people people people …. that was what my life was about. other people. taking care of other people… making other people smile, listening to other people …. never about me. now, i’m getting to be re-acquainted with me. i’m getting more of a … what a libra friend calls "balance". WOW i feel so deep right now. so cool.

i never thought that i could ever be so deep. at a psych med evaluation appointment, my psych at the end said that i was really deep. i was like,"really? me? deep?" and … she’s like, "yeah, you." …..i was like, "wow… cool!"  ha ha ha ha ha ha ha that’s like so valley girl… like gag me with a spoon like oh ma gah! totaly! like!!! ha ha h ah aha ha ha ha ha. okay. back to seriousness.

what am i writing about again? hold please while i save this and read back on it.

oh. nothing exciting. i’m going to get ready for my career counselor appointment. i have to finish my homework assignments.

self reminder: passion, mbti, relationship, career.