moving for someone
Sunday, July 30th, 2006
oh- I AM SO MAD!!! I’M FUMING!!!
my S2BX updated me on a couple that we used to hang out with here in the bay area. we’ll call them “fred and wilma”. she’s about my age and fred maybe a bit younger. wilma was in the same industry as i was and we had the same function. my S2BX worked with fred in finance before he was promoted out back to operations. fred and wilma had a similar story to my story. fred moved up to washington state to accept a director position. prior to moving up, he made a commitment to wilma so they got engaged. i learned that it took her awhile to find a job, but she went back into what she was doing. that’s the last that i heard of them… until now.
my S2BX updated me and told me that he is sharing our story with fred. i guess fred and wilma have postponed the wedding. they’re not getting along and he has no clue as to why she’s sad. he tells wilma that he doesn’t understand why she’s so sad. he says that they have a huge house, his career is on the fast track and she’s working now. everything is wonderful. hearing that made me sooo furious because i used to hear that when i first moved up to the bay area.
fred says that he loves wilma, but his career comes first. sounds like someone i live with. S2BX told him that they need to see couple’s counseling before they get married. and he’s helping fred avoid the same troubles that landed us were we are.
i guess i got all excited because i can totally empathize with wilma. i went through the same thing that she’s going through. she is abandoned just like me. both boys were going back “home.” my S2BX here to sf and fred to washington. the boys automatically felt at in their zone with the move because they WERE home! wilma and i were not, but the boys are too busy to realize that we needed support. we girls kinda got left on the side to fend for ourselves. forget about the couple learning the new area together!
just like my S2BX, fred never appreciated the sacrifice that wilma and i made. we gave up everything! our jobs, tenure, relationships, whatever family, friends, familiarity … etc. in a sense, by proposing to us, they actually fucked us up.
“okay, things didn’t work out. well, we’ll just cancel the wedding and you can go back to your old life”. yeah right and FUCK THAT. oh, well, since you and i both worked and we almost made the same amount of money, then things should be divided in half and you can move back down to southern cal. FUCK THAT TOO.
:: “wilma” and “fred” ::
i swear. in situations like these. the girl always gets fucked. why? because both boys were greedy. that’s why. they wanted it all. they wanted to move up the corporate ladder by moving where the company needs them, but they still wanted their relationships. so they got committed. but their follow-through SUCKS ASS. and somehow it’s all our fault. what can we be sad about? you’re married/engaged to a very successful husband/fiance who is young and still climbing. you have an expensive great/small house … money money money…. WHATever. we were abandoned at one of our weakest moments. these are the same people who professed their undying love for us. sad. sad. sad.
someone shoot me if i ever move for a boy EVER again. maybe my S2BX is right in thinking that people like him and fred need wives who are fine with playing second fiddle. girls who will follow their man around, pop babies and have control over nothing except what’s for dinner. a wallflower.
a wallflower. funny. my S2BX dated a wallflower. they never fought - unless he started it. she put him up on a pedestal and just thought that he was the best thing since sliced bread. what happened to that relationship? he got bored and dumped her ass. says he doesn’t like people with mousy personalities. why was he with her? because she took notes for him in class and he can so easily control her. HELLO? isn’t that the kind of person that he was telling fred their career climbing butts need? boys… whatever.
i guess i’m upset because talking about fred and wilma’s problems reminded me of what happened to me. i have empathy for wilma. i’m sure she’s just soooo lonely right now.
this feeling again reminds me of why i was/am sooo ready for a divorce. every time i was weak and needed him most: our move up here and through my depression and everything else i was left to fend for myself. i’ve been depressed for how long? and he’s just starting to really try to learn about it. his ass should have gone on-line and learned about it along time ago! he was one of the “have more control over your emotions/mind” type of people back then. but how can you blame ignorance? i will blame a lack of empathy and a lack of initiative to learn more about a condition that was/is affecting your wife!
i love him dearly and he loves me too, but i’m not in love with him. the more we talk, the better our relationship gets and the more we see how we are sooo different. we see the world differently, we behave differently, our values are polar opposites and we really need to do this.
poor wilma. i’m sure she’ll be fine though. i’m almost sure that she will not encounter all of the loss and almost loss that i had to experience. i mean… every time people hear the story, they can’t believer that there was so much death and loss in my life this past / these past few years. i hope that those two can work on what’s happening now so they don’t end up in this horrible place.
