my life with depression.com

i cannot stand my brother-in-law. he is the biggest bully. always picking on my weaker sister, nephew and niece. yesterday, he called my cell and said “if you ever want the kids to come visit you again, they better call me.” that rudeness is common with him. he is an ignorant no class / low class person. so i give my nephew the phone. all of a sudden, the smile and happiness that i’ve seen in the past few days slowly disappeared. the phone went to my niece. she’s the darling of the family because she’s so cute and small. it’s funny because i see that side of the family fall for the political moves she plays. yes. this girl is cunning and aggressive. she’s a small little politician waiting to become 21 and those suckers are falling for every known trick in the book.

i asked my nephew what his dad said, but he said that he couldn’t tell me because i would get mad. after nudging him more, he said that his dad called him “SHIT” (insert whatever the reason was).

you know, for the longest time, both families have turned a blind eye to the bullying of the kids and my sister. everyone agrees that he’s the worst parent and that he needs his ass kicked. my sister makes ex cusses for him like … he was raised that way, so he thinks that the kids should be raised tough too. how about tailoring to each child’s personality? here’s the all time favorite “he’s getting better.” yeah right. if i had a buck for every time she said that … why … i’d be a millionaire.

so what does tough mean? how about when you walk by them, you shove the kid’s head and move on as if nothing happened. this is a child’s way of showing a power move. remember this “child” is 30 years old. well, my nephew one day shoves me in the head and laughs. i grabbed his hand and told him why it’s rude and what if someone did that to him. well, as it turns out, someone does.

oh and the bad words and rude remarks that i hear. and yet the kids are not suppose to say them and make the same remarks. i thought that kids usually model their parents. gosh. i bought the ass a book called raising boys by a guy named dobson. i guess he never read it.

maybe that’s what should be expected from a guy who was in the army, went to the middle east prior to the conflict and who now works as a prison guard. violence, violence, violence. i’m not saying that he’s not smart. i am saying that he is NOT intelligent. my sister is intelligent, but she’s NOT smart enough to leave this nightmare relationship.

all i know is that my sister said that she is turning as ghetto as him. she was raised better than that. but i guess ultimately, the decisions that she made/makes put herself and her kids into this predicament. she’s not treated any better. he makes little put down comments from out of nowhere. i guess she’s used to it or immune to it now, because she doesn’t seem to see it or feel it. i would not accept any of the shit that he dishes her. his ass would be sooooooooooooooo kicked out to the curb where it belongs.

he uses intimidation, names … you name it, he does it. my sister is too weak to leave.

my dad can’t even stand going to their house because he just can’t stand to watch how the kids and my sister are treated. he’s a lazy ass. after work he comes home and sits in front of the tv. when my sister gets home she has no time to rest. i would understand if his job was more physically tiring, but it’s not. my sister has both the physically and mentally tiring job.

he thinks he’s the man, but he puts himself before his kids. he buys himself tattoos, gambles …. but when it’s time for the kids to come up here for vacation, he doesn’t even offer to pay for their tickets. rather than orange juice, they get cool aid!

or they borrowed $5,000 from me and this fool is walking around buying candied apples and a bunch of other bullshit just to show that he’s “the man.” my sister paid off his credit card debt only for this ghetto ass guy to run up the debt again. he’s “free and generous” with MY MONEY. is it just a difference in the value of money? if i needed to borrow money from family, i would think that i wouldn’t spend money on myself for frivolous things before my debt is all paid for? it’s that kind of mindset that will keep him and his family down there and why they will never be debt free or why their standard of living will never take a dramatic increase.

he talks about at least he’s able to keep a job - meaning that i can’t. i don’t have to work like he does. i have a lot of money saved up. that’s the difference. i don’t have to work for 2+ years and i’d still be okay. his ass can’t miss a day or two other wise, the family finances are all fucked up. THEN they go the the parents or me to borrow money.

he’s says that i’m having problems in MY relationship and that’s why i left for paris??? well it’s because i could afford it!

my sister left too, it’s just she can only go to a hotel.

i can’t understand her. she says that she’ll be dammed if her kids turn out like him, yet she stays there. she makes excuses up for him and doesn’t think long-term enough to see the consequences of the scars the the kids get from the constant verbal abuse. the scars that SHE gets.

they say it’s because my nephew lies or that he’s difficult. well, it’s no wonder! HE’S ALWAYS IN FEAR! OF COURSE HE’S GOING TO LIE. he’s just trying to survive. when you are already yelling at a kid OF COURSE THE KIDS GONNA LIE. when all you do is push your fat ass weight around to show “who’s the boss” OF COURSE THE KID’S GONNA LIE. fuck’n idiots!

ultimately, i don’t blame it on george. he was just raised that way and he’s just a low class looser trying to prove something to someone. i don’t know why he’s the laughing joke of the family. but my sister wasn’t raised that way and she WASN’T low class, nor was she a looser. I BLAME HER.

i have to admit that i handled the whole thing wrong. i would have taken him to the side and told him that he’s an ass. but i’m glad that i called him out. someone needs to. i’m tired of turning a blind eye to his abusiveness. i tired of EVERYONE even his parents turning a blind eye and yet at the same time expressing their concern for the kids. at least i’ve said my piece. i told my mom that if my nephew grows up and kills himself, then it’s not on my head. it’s on theirs. a soft kid like that is just going to collapse under all of the shit.

——————————

i had a two hour session with my therapist today. i told her that i felt like i was going crazy yesterday. i felt like i couldn’t control my anger. i’ve never seen myself like that before. i felt like i was on a crusade or something. i couldn’t understand it. i know that i can get really idealistic, but damn!

she said that i wasn’t going crazy. something about the whole “fred and wilma” and yesterday’s incident just really stabbed deep inside my soul and being. i saw myself or my experiences in them and i wasn’t strong enough to fight. they are not strong enough to fight, so i am / was fighting for them. i was fighting for myself because i couldn’t fight for myself back then and i’m fighting for them cause no one is fighting for them.

——————————-

i’ve started looking at rooms or studios to rent. i’m moving out tonight. i’m done. i’m so done with everyone in my family.