nope
Monday, November 20th, 2006nope. not a dream. it’s not 1992 and this is my life. it’s 8:20am. my eyes hurt from all the damn crying and it’s foggy outside. i still don’t feel good. i still feel sad and i still feel helpless.
i was reading about ENFPs again. my personality type because i’m forgetting and i thought it might give me some insight as to why i’m feeling this way. these are guesses:
http://socion.info/cgi-bin/index.cgi?loc=desc&type=3
- ENFPs love people and will often bend to the needs and desires of others without asking much in return. BUT I HATE UNGRATEFUL PEOPLE.
-They really enjoy listening to others, and to move the conversation along they can be quite revealing of their own experiences to get the other person to open up. It seems as if they give themselves away completely, but this is not quite true. The ENFP has dimensions to him or herself that are never revealed to anyone except for a very close and trusted companion. If such a companion is not found then they will feel lonely even though surrounded by good company. HMMMM I’VE NEVER REALIZED THIS, BUT IT’S SO TRUE. DESPITE THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE AROUND, I DID STILL FEEL SOME TYPE OF LONELINESS, BUT I HATED TO LEAVE PEOPLE BECAUSE THAT LONELINESS BECAME EVEN MORE GREAT. AM I FEELING THIS NOW? AM I NOT FEELING “THE CONNECTION?” I THOUGHT I WAS…
-ENFPs deeply cherish friends who listen for content and don’t take every word seriously. Despite any outward confidence they need reassurance that they are OK the way they are. I HATE THIS ABOUT MYSELF. THIS IS NOT A SHOW OF INDEPENDENCE. Sometimes they find friends among people others consider misfits, nerds or eccentrics. I DON’T THINK I FIT INTO THIS CATEGORY. I DON’T KNOW IF I’M FRIENDS WITH ANY OF THE THREE. I THINK I’M FRIENDS WITH JUST NORMAL PEOPLE.
-Despite their happy-go-lucky, outward behavior ENFPs have high standards for themselves. Just as they see potential in others they see potential in themselves. They want desperately to actualize that potential to benefit not only them, but to set a good example for others to follow. They desire so much (too much?) and envision a sweet life where all the elements come together with friends, family, intimacy, sex, music, good food and freedom to pursue new worlds. Their striving for this utopia seems like pipe dreams to others and ENFPs know it. Still they cannot give up as their intuition pulls them headlong into the future. THIS IS THE PROBLEM I THINK. I WANT UTOPIA. I DON’T WANT TO DISAPPOINT PEOPLE. I WANT HARMONY. I WANT EVERYONE TO BE HAPPY. I WANT TO BE HAPPY AND ALL OF THAT CAN’T ALL HAPPEN AT ONCE. SOMEONE HAS TO NOT BE HAPPY. WHY DO I TAKE IT UPON MYSELF TO BE THE PERSON WHO IS SUPPOSE TO BE THE CAUSE OF PEOPLE’S HAPPINESS? WHY CAN’T I JUST SAY FUCK YOU ALL. LIKE IT OR LEAVE IT. MAYBE I JUST DON’T FEEL LIKE EVERYTHING IS GOING TO TURN OUT OKAY AND MAYBE I JUST NEED THAT RE-ASSURANCE THAT I ALWAYS FUCK’N NEED.
i hate being weak.
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while on my daily morning websites, i found this link: http://www.classblogmeister.com/blog.php?blogger_id=37156
it has a questionnaire to learn about how you learn. there is a french teacher in south NY who teaches at a Central Jefferson High School who utilizes the different learning styles to teach french. that’s really cool. how come i never had that when in school. well, here are my scores:
The VARK Questionnaire Results
Your scores were:
Visual: 7
Aural: 7
Read/Write: 8
Kinesthetic: 8
You have a multimodal (VARK) learning preference.
Multimodal Study Strategies
If you have multiple preferences you are in the majority as somewhere between fifty and seventy percent of any population seems to fit into that group.
Multiple preferences are interesting and quite varied. For example you may have two strong preferences V and A or R and K, or you may have three strong preferences such as VAR or ARK. Some people have no particular strong preferences and their scores are almost even for all four modes. For example one student had scores of V=9, A=9, R=9, and K=9. She said that she adapted to the mode being used or requested. If the teacher or supervisor preferred a written mode she switched into that mode for her responses and for her learning.
So multiple preferences give you choices of two or three or four modes to use for your interaction with others. Some people have admitted that if they want to be annoying they stay in a mode different from the person with whom they are working. For example they may ask for written evidence in an argument, knowing that the other person much prefers to refer only to oral information. Positive reactions mean that those with multimodal preferences choose to match or align their mode to the significant others around them.
If you have two dominant or equal preferences please read the study strategies that apply to your two choices. If you have three preferences read the three lists that apply and similarly for those with four. You will need to read two or three or four lists of strategies. One interesting piece of information that people with multimodal preferences have told us is that it is necessary for them to use more than one strategy for learning and communicating. They feel insecure with only one. Alternatively those with a single preference often “get it” by using the set of strategies that align with their single preference.
We are noticing some differences among those who are multimodal especially those who have chosen fewer than 20 options and those who have chosen more. If you have chosen fewer than 20 of the options in the questionnaire you may prefer to see your highest score as your main preference - almost like a single preference. You are probably more decisive than those who have chosen 20+ options.
THIS IS SUCH BULLSHIT. IF I WAS MULTI-MODAL, THEN I WOULD’VE KEPT UP MY STRAIGHT A’s IN SCHOOL. NOPE. TAKE THAT BACK. MY DEMISE WAS DUE TO DISCOVERING BOYS.
BOYS. CAN’T LIVE WITH THEM. CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT THEM.
