my life with depression.com

so it’s 8:24am. i just woke up after falling back to sleep this morning after i read some news on-line after i woke up too early. i have a cork board behind my door that i’ve had for ages. i painted the trim black because i went through a black and white and polka dots phase earlier in high school. OH MY GOSH. i’m re-living that phase as can be seen with my loft. weird.

so on the cork board, i found a newspaper clipping that my dad gave me. it’s all brown now, but other wise it’s still in good shape. it’s part of an ann landers column. i wonder if she still gives advice on the newspaper…. so it reads like this:

DEAR ANN: Several years ago, you printed a column telling women how to find “mr. right.” after i went through a messy divorce, i gave that column to my daughter.


i am happy to tell you she handed that column to me last suday just before i walked her down the aisle at her wedding. she had written on it, “dad, thank you for this list. i will not be needing it anymore. i love you.” please print that column again for those who may have missed it. —PROUD DAD IN DUNEDIN, FLORIDA

1. you probably won’t find mr. right in a bar. try grocery stores, church where you work or through a friend.

2. if he tells you he is married, he’s separated or his wife doesn’t understand him - he has “trouble” stamped on his forehead.

3. if he tries to move in with you or wants to borrow money, be careful. he maybe a con artist

4. if his family avoids him, maybe you should too. they know him better than you do.

5. check out his car. it should be clean, serviceable and insured.

6. if he has children, decide if you want to marry them too. and be aware that they are a direct link to his ex-wife.

7. you don’t need a man to be a complete woman. no one has the power to make you happier than the right man or more miserable than the wrong one.
8. find someone who laughs at the same things you laugh at.

9. if you want several children and plan to stay home and raise them, choose a man with high earning potential.

10. if you want a career, don’t marry a man who hates his job. he will resent the time and attention you give to yours.

11. two red flags: does he have a short fuse and a hot temper? is he hung up on his mother? these inevitably get worse after marriage.

12. don’t get married because you are afraid to be alone. no wife is more alone than one whose husband pays no attention to her.

13. no matter how wonderful his other qualities may be, do not marry a man who has threatened, hit or humiliated you.

14. pay attention to how he treats his mother. chances are good that he will treat you the same way.