divorce lawyer = beautiful world
Tuesday, December 19th, 2006man … i guess what my therapist said about how i’m going to feel sad … loss … loneliness … empty … all those things that come with a death of a relationship, i’m finally feeling. and man, let me tell you it’s hard.
after i saw the first divorce lawyer, i was very emotional and i saw a lot of beautiful things that day and i also cried about it. my therapist suggests that it could be that the visit to the lawyer gave me a firmer ground to stand on now that i know my rights. knowing my rights and having a firmer ground beneath me allowed me to step outside of myself and see the beauty in the world.
but being able to see the beauty in the world still doesn’t stop the fact that i am extremely sad. the past two months - pms - i have been weepy, have had a lack of patience, i’ve been temperamental and bitchy! i’ve never been this bad. i’m going to have to bring that up today in therapy. she’s probably going to say it’s normal.
my friend came to san francisco this past weekend. i don’t really have too much to say about it. it was an in-n-out type of trip and we really didn’t get to connect much. i still had a bit of fun, but…. whatevers. like i’ve said in the past. i will only give as much as i get. i don’t have the energy to do more right now nor do i want to. i hate feeling like a taxi or being one.
my last visit with the ex - i was still in a sense treated like a child [personal reminder: why’d you wear slippery shoes … something that a parent would say to a child]
i purchased my tickets for france. i’m going to visit steph and i’m going to take 3 weeks of french again at l’alliance francaise- paris again. i’ve found that i do better when i learned everyday for a 4hr block of time.
i’ve retained a lawyer … so i am officially $5000 poorer. the up side is that 4 people have purchased one of my solutions - granted the cheaper ones, but that puts me at a -$4800 loss from the $5k. gosh!
i have to go take a shower… i don’t want too, but i’m stinky. i know… not a very pleasant picture … talking about picture … here’s one from this weekend:
