my life with depression.com

thank god for girlfriends. i volunteered to hook everyone up yesterday - friday, december 22. rather than just having dinner, it turned out to be a 10hour day. since we all have our own things going on, we had to accommodate different schedules. i saw two friends whom i’ve not seen for - forever. i saw beein, i probably last saw her 3 years ago. she lives in new york and is a producer for hbo sports. amy, i last saw one evening maybe about 2 years ago?

being the way i’ve been lately and not wanting to see people, i obviously didn’t want to go out that day. luckily my parents forced me to take a shower and luckily i volunteered to pick beein up from her sister’s house in pasadena. we had lunch in downtown LA and met up with lan and amy. angel didn’t make it out with us.

funny thing is that on my email, i put that we should meet at 11:15 for those who are always late and 11:30 for those who are always on time. i did this so we could all be on time for a 12pm lunch. our reservation was set for 12:30. beein and i arrive to the restaurant by 1pm. lan arrived at 1:30 and amy at 2pm. no matter how old we are, i don’t think that we will ever be on time… no matter how hard we try. it’s always a mess no matter how organized we try to be and no matter who organizes it. we’re a mess.

but i write about this because i’ve not hung out with my girlfriends in so long. i’ve literally forgotten how therapeutic is it. it’s funny, our group of friends are split into clicks and there are some of us who are closer with one over the other. sometimes those lines are drawn due to intolerance of a person, at times to thoughtlessness and even due to boys. but i guess, no matter what, we have no choice but to love each other as we all know everyone’s secrets that we’d hate to be blackmailed by the other! (joke)

i for one have not been that close with amy and beein. i don’t know why… but that’s just the way it is. i’m so glad that i had the opportunity to see beein and hang out solo. we’ve never ever ever ever done that before in our long history. and i found that she is actually really cool and it’s too bad that we never took the time. now that i’m able to step outside of myself, i was able to tell her how much i appreciated her attending my wedding. i knew that it was a huge gesture and i’ve finally told her how much it meant to me. i felt like crying yesterday and now that i write about it, i have tears filling my eyes. ( i can’t cry though cause my dad is next to me talking on the phone with his little brother who lives in seattle. ) i don’t recall ever having a bonding moment with only her, but i guess being late is better than never. it seemed the topic of the lunch-into-dinner-into-evening was men. or should i say boys.

i think that we all came up in agreement that boys always think that they are right. and i think that we all agree that we all have to come up with a way to just ignore them and change the subject when they don’t know what the hell they are talking about.

we talked about things that a couple should talk about before “getting serious” - before getting married. these topics range from expectations on how children with be raised, on how each see money-save money-spend money etc. MONEY MONEY MONEY especially must be talked about because when things are stressful, this is the topic that will more likely break up the couple. oh, how big or small of a role each family will play in the relationship … and so many more. my friend said she would email us the list that she saw in the newspaper.

oh if i only knew the things that i know now, i probably wouldn’t be in the position that i’m in. but then again, i don’t have regrets, i only try to move forward. i guess hindsight is always 20/20.

i hate the fact that knowledge/experience is wasted on the old and youth is wasted on the young. why is it that the youth never learn older people’s experience. i guess i shouldn’t be talking. i remember telling my mom that she made her mistakes and learned from then and that i’m my own person so i need to make my own mistakes. MY GOSH! it’s gonna come bite me in the ass when i become a mother… sorry mom!

my friend amy asked me … didn’t you now your ex was like that already? my answer was yes and no. i’m one who puts a person up on a pedestal. i put him on a pedestal. it’s only taken me this long and through the worst 4 years packed with sadness, disappointment, death and depression for me to realize that we were on totally different pages.

i wonder what the exact definition of rebound is. i’ll go look it up.

beein is on the left and amy is on the right. i wish that i’d taken a picture that included lan too …