my life with depression.com

since you are such a great therapist in trying to show
me a balance when i am at such emotional distress,
i’m sure you realize that i am protecting myself from
any more pain as i am currently emotionally raw.
removing hurtful people right now is part of
self-preservation and learning to build a thicker
wall.

xxxxxx, i have my therapist to give me what you are
trying to do. the difference is that SHE’S
PROFESSIONALLY TRAINED and she’s not involved, hence
she does this sans bias. i’ve listened and heard, but
i did not nor have i come to you for that. i came for
support. not to be pushed off the ledge that i am
already standing on. other times, i agree you were not
relishing in my pain, but the excitement in your voice
the other night indicates something else.

as for stbx, you were not there when we decided the
terms of how we were doing our separation, so don’t
accuse me of intentionally inflicting pain. this whole
separation was to serve another purpose. hence the
reason why we pushed the actual end date to this
summer.

you only think you are walking on eggshells with me
because you know that i won’t put up with your shit
and rage unlike the people you surround yourself with.
my standing up forces you to be what most people call
being thoughtful. but i guess your name for it is
‘walking on eggshells.’

in regards to talking with ffffffffff all afternoon …
uh … i believe that afternoon was mine and you and
bbbbbb were going to have yours. as for her being a
source of problems … let’s see… umm … i’ve never
had an issue with her being your friend. If anything,
you choose to walk on eggshells … I don’t know … maybe
out of guilt? i was hurt about the bride’s maid thing,
but seeing that your husband and mine both agreed that
what you did was fucked up … but whatever … as far
as your spending the afternoon with her … that was
your plan. i had no intention of hanging out remember?
i drove you guys down because i wanted more time with
you but also because it would’ve taken LLLLL two+ hours
to get to the city in friday night traffic. i thought
LLLLL’s gesture was valiant. at least someone was
thoughtful enough to think of your cousin. so just say
thank you. my sleeping over was my trying to meet you
half way in your trying to see me while understanding
you had plans. so rather than being ungrateful, just
say thank you. I won’t go into details as to when the
actual rejection actually happened. I know you didn’t
do it intentionally, and any other day I would’ve
blown it off as an “insensitive/thoughtless xxxxx”
thing.

oh, it’s a bit of an exaggeration for you to say that
i sulked most of december regarding the ‘rejection.” i
only did that on my time and not on xxxxxx time. i
recall calling you a few days later to explain what
had happened and i apologized and moved on. that’s why
i still saw you in walnut!

xxxxxxx, if it seems that i’ve been pointing out the
faults of others, it’s only because it’s been in the
past two years that i’ve been at the most pain and at
the height of my depression. i was trying to share
with you how i feel, but how dare you call me a
hypocrite as you so described me to be. i accept that
i have faults too and i am engaged on working on
those. that’s something most people can’t say. what i
was doing with you is called sharing and having
intimacy in a friendship. but i guess you call it
something else when someone confides in you and looks
to you for support. that’s living in the day to day of
our friendship - isn’t it?

living in the day to day of our friendship includes
improving it. our interaction and conversations about
our friendship automatically improves it. i guess you
don’t appreciate honesty between friends and would
rather have me do what others have done.

maybe the reason why you are so quick to defend stbx
is because you are both the same - especially in the
way you treat your mates. you are both trying to hide
from yourselves due to a past that you both hate.
because of this, you guys can’t step out of yourselves
to appreciate those in your life who have stuck by you
or others in your life who have been loyal. at least
stbx is starting to wake up.

since you are so keen on giving me advice. why don’t i
do it too: you and aaaaaa are traveling down the same
road. aaaaaa may not leave you as i did with stbx,
but it’s only because he’s the type to worry more
about face, but I could be wrong. don’t you ever
wonder why all of your friends feel like it’s their
duty to protect aaaaaa from you? if you are going to
continue to treat him the way you do, at least do it
as smoothly as stbx did to outside eyes. it’s hard
for others to see someone blatantly treating someone
they supposedly love like shit. be sure that he never
sees a therapist if you want to keep him. a therapist
will only give him the strength to do what he needs to
do.

to follow this disagreement on how to support me on this time of need:

1. no more
2. done
3. emergency therapist session
4. relationship with friends who are family

FOR MORE select the following:
new years 2007
a wish for peace in the new year
filipino in the hiz e house
how women pick mates vs flings
the center of the family. the nucleus
under a rock
no more
done
emergency session
i hate crying
thank god for moms
relationship with friends who are family
some motivation finally
the my future
comedy relief
freaky weather
bills ‘n bills ‘n bills
motivation
decisions