my life with depression.com

good morning. it’s almost 8am and it’s saturday. this morning is not bad. i was actually able to get up, make some coffee AND wash some pots! i could’ve put my frying pan in the dishwasher, but they say that it should be hand washed. i’m kinda proud of myself. that’s two days in a row. i look at ‘i’m kinda proud of myself’ and think - that is so sorry … but i was reading this other guy’s blog. he’s got depression and although we don’t describe some of the things the same way, i can totally feel him. one thing thing that i picked up was his mention of pain and why it hurts so much and the struggle to get out of bed every morning… anyways he’s proud when he’s able to take a shower or watch tv. i totally understand about the shower thing too and as for the tv, i always had it on hoping that it would help me wake up and get out of bed. hate that struggle.

anyways, it seems that i’m going to have two good days in a row. my day was going so well that i decided to take myself out on a date. you know … the steak dinner and movie thing. i almost wasn’t going to because that unmotivated feeling was creeping up again or maybe it’s not the unmotivated feeling but the lack of the need for food. i forget to eat. i know that’s weird, but that happens. anyways, i cooked a yummy steak dinner. i tried to make it like mastro’s in beverly hills. hmmmmm their filet mignon is soooo delish and tender and HMM HMM OH SO GOOD! theirs was really buttery, so i used butter too. i guess butter splattered on me and since i’m not used to cooking (i was getting more comfortable with it awhile back) that i forgot about my splatter screen. so needless to say … i’ve got it ALL over my stove. i ended that with some low sodium soy sauce. dad (father-in-law) does his with soy) i didn’t know how it was going to turn out. my rice was better, although it could’ve been not as dry. i used ponzu sauce as my salad dressing [note to self. don’t use ponze like italian dressing. only use a little]

the steak was delish, but i didn’t like the actual meat. i spent probably 10 minutes going back and forth back and forth at the grocery store trying to figure out what type of meat to buy. so i guess i’m learning never to buy what ever kind i bought. after i re-cooked it again (still raw inside) it was really soft and tender and yummy, but it had … oh what is that called… oh… tendons in there. i guess they were tendons. i don’t know what else they could be.

oh and i watched love actually. oooooh i really like it and like the cry baby i am, i cried at end. steve if you’re reading this, thanks for lending it to me. you’re right… i do like it a lot. i didn’t get to watch it with my mom while i was down, but i’ll be sure to share it with her when i get back down there.

oh! i just remembered, monday is pop-pop’s birthday (my dad). mental note … mental note.

so i had a lovely date with myself. darn i must tell that to my therapist. she would be so happy. talking about her … my last thursday session with her was full of tears. they were almost like breakdown tears. i’ve cried in there, but never like that. she gave me a lot to think about. i mean some really heavy duty stuff. so i guess that’s my homework while in paris. i’ll talk about that later ’cause i want to keep this one short and light. while trying to transfer my blog to this one, i noticed that i write looooooooooooooooooooooooooong passages. sorry but … when it comes out, it comes out.

oh. i’m trying my first track back. i kinda know what it is, but i don’t really. oh well, i’ll learn more about that later.

FOR MORE select the following:
new years 2007
a wish for peace in the new year
filipino in the hiz e house
how women pick mates vs flings
the center of the family. the nucleus
under a rock
no more
done
emergency session
i hate crying
thank god for moms
relationship with friends who are family
some motivation finally
the my future
comedy relief
freaky weather
bills ‘n bills ‘n bills
motivation
decisions