support from friends
Wednesday, January 24th, 2007one more day before i leave for paris. i woke up early again this morning. i’ll take that as a sign that i’m excited. i AM excited but for some reason i don’t feel it. maybe it’s because i have a lot of things on my mind. also, i just signed the paperwork to sell the property in florida. that one that’s really close to the ocean. i didn’t fight. i couldn’t afford to pay for my half of the mortgage with no renters in it and i can’t afford half of the $1k that we still need to pay even if there IS a renter. they pay cheap rent there. but i know i’m excited because i always wake up too early when i can’t wait for something.
so i packed a little this morning. went out to do some errands. met up with my friend kevin so i can give him my loft keys. he’s going to ‘house sit’ for me. when i found out that he was going to see some of his customers, i decided to invite myself along. i’ve known these accounts for 5 years now and i haven’t seen them since i stopped working. it was so great so see everyone’s face. i forgot how much i loved being in pharmaceutical sales. not so much the job itself, but for the relationships and friendships that i made. everyone thought that i “fell off of the face of the earth”. well, in a way i guess i did. i was soooo deep in my depression that i couldn’t even write letters to send to people so they wouldn’t worry. i couldn’t even call them. i almost cried in one office because one of them started to cry! then all the doctors were saying that they were going to take me out and pay! ha ha ha. they’re so funny. they all know that i’m a cheap date because i can only drink 1.5 glasses of wine - if that.
they were all aware of my depression and they said that it’s good that i’m getting better. some were not surprised that i’m separated from S2BX. i told everyone to find me a career, and one office said that they would find me a man. they’re soo funny. i told everyone to set something up with kevie so i can come along and hang out longer.
i’m really appreciative that kev tolerated my hanging out with him all day. i felt so much love today from everyone. i got so many hugs. seeing everyone really lifted my spirits and i think that i am a little bit more secure with my abilities and myself— at lease today. and i guess i’m not as scared of my future–at least for tonight.
i had two old friends call me this morning to see how i’m doing. though i feel alone, i guess technology has brought my friends and family closer. i guess my support system is closer to me that i thought. i’ve also forgotten about my outer circle of support… the doctors and nurses and staff with whom i’ve become friends. i’m so glad that i had the energy and mental capacity to see all those people today. i’ve been wanting to see everyone for the longest time.
advice from everyone:
have fun.
if a guy doesn’t want to do some of the things that i want to do,
then i shouldn’t be with him.i need a partner and not a father.
