my life with depression.com

woke up at 8 am today. it’s 8:36 and i’m eating my breakfast and drinking my coffee. i got home late last night. around 11:50 pm or so. i lost track of time at my french talking group. actually, we probably finished at about 9:45 and the tutor and the other girl probably left by 10:15. i ended up staying a bit longer to share my visit with peter (we meet at his house and sandrine is originally his tutor). anyway, he really likes france and wants to buy a farm in the country close to paris so he and his …. girlfriend? … can have the country life, but still be able to zip down to paris via train. he showed some interest in the age mix at the alliance francaise there. he’s probably about … i don’t know … really late 50’s? or mid-60’s? i’m really bad at telling ages. i told him every age is there.



so i got a lot of socialization last night while talking in french … i was really happy with my progress. in fact, i was really happy with everyone’s progress. while flying from france back to the states, i carried on a conversation with this french guy for two hours. he was surprised that i’ve only had 5 weeks worth of formal classes. cool.



i also got socialization from talking with my psychiatrist. can you even call that socializing? i told her about my weepy episodes (here, here, here and here and here and here and finally the last one )the last 3-4 months. she reminded me that i DID lower my meds to 20 mg from 30 mg. i had to remind her that the anorgasmia was really killing me and really frustrating me and that at 20 mg it wasn’t as bad and as often. it still sucks a$$. she bumped me up to 25 mg. we’re both crossing our fingers that the extra 5 will just be so mild that it won’t affect any ‘pleasure zones’. is that TMI? too much info? if it is, oh well. someone’s gotta talk about this stuff so people don’t feel like they are the only ones using all the toys in the world with no success and then falling back in bed to just give up with the sense of frustration that young boys probably complain about of when they say they’re ‘blue balling“. is that yucky?



anyways. my motivation was still doing well, prior to my appointment, i ripped open some mail. afterwards, i spent some time at barnes and noble bookstore and just perused some stuff. i ended up going to a grocery store in the peninsula because i wanted to compare prices with the ‘Pak N Save’ (they don’t even advertise it with the rest of their stores) that i have near my loft. that store is owned by ’safeway’ - the store that i normally would go to. i got the feeling that bagging my own grocery wasn’t saving me much money and that i think i want to go to a nicer looking store when i shop for food. (by the way, in paris, you bag your own groceries)



OH!!! i had the worst case of tremors yesterday! i never had it until i started taking lexapro my starbucks in my hand was shaking! while driving, my right foot was really shaking! i don’t know why it was so bad. was i experiencing anxiety? did that make the tremors worse? i think that i noticed more of it when i was exerting pressure with my foot or my hand. does that make sense?



S2BX is suppose to come over this morning by 11 to drop off mail and some papers that needs to be signed for the florida property. i always get worried or anxious to see him. the times when we end up all emotional usually has the effect of bringing me a step back.



it’s gonna be a beautiful, clear and sunny day today in the high 50’s.