my life with depression.com

hi. where have i been? i’ve been cleaning out the redwood shores townhouse. well, i did that sunday and i’m still doing it today. i spent the day with my friend and her baby yesterday and eventually i ate dinner with her and her husband. i caught up with them as to what’s been going on with me. mark said that when i explained how deep the pain was during those weepy times and how alive i felt when i was feeling it, the adjectives that i used sounded like the experience was sublime. he said that we hurt deep only when we loved deep. i guess i loved way tooooooo deep ’cause that sh*t was DEEP.



i was wondering where my fish pens, fun pink pen and morocco-shakey thing went!



how is the move going with S2BX working side-by-side with me? we are actually getting along. i’m doing this and he’s doing that. we kinda already know what we each have to do. i was telling my FRENCHIE that it feels as if he and i are packing up and cleaning to move to another location, only he’s moving to one city and i’m in another. he did get on my nerves when we were dividing the pictures. i told him just to randomly grab an album and not to bother looking through them. so we did. afterwards, he looked through the ones he ended up with. he kept saying ” you were soooo sweet back then! look! look how sweet you were”. i’m thinking to myself: i’m still sweet, it’s just you can’t push me around anymore cause i’m stronger now and i am fighting back!

there was a bit of reminiscing like the first photo we ever took. i framed it and snuck it into his suitcase almost 10 years ago right before he was to leave for a business trip. it was suppose to be a surprise, but for some reason, i was never able to surprise him.

we laughed.

i’m trying my best to fight the instinct to be a pack-rat. it’s so easy to keep and store junk using the excuse that i’m sure i will use it … fix it … need it … show it … later … some day … in the future. take for instance that bookshelf stereo:

click photo to see bigger picture of stereo that no longer works.

i think i broke that thing like 5 years ago! we were suppose to get that fixed or see how much it would cost to get it fixed … oops … sorry … HE wanted to do all that. i wanted to trash it and get a smaller newer one. i didn’t think it would be worth getting it fixed for the price the electrician would charge. well, i asked him if he wanted me to box it up and throw it out … and same thing again… he’s gonna take it. i should just get rid of that thing.

anyways, we’re getting along. he’s got his ipod on and i have mine.

the place is a mess and my fingers hurt from cleaning the baseboards. i hate being a perfectionist at that type of stuff. i even went INSIDE the closets and cleaned the baseboards there AND the … you know … rail for the sliding closet door? yup, dusted that too!

i found the little hat box that i kept some wedding stuff in. did i get sad? nah .. i don’t think so. i was thinking back to how awesome my wedding was and how fun it was and how even my uncle who goes to bed early at ALL weddings stayed up and danced at mine. i almost looked at it as if it was a party/event that i threw that turned out to be successful. it was really fun.