my life with depression.com

there was a time when i was in the “why me … what did i ever do to deserve this pain” mentality. i guess it’s normal. but my visit with my friend david helped to open up my eyes a little bit more. i think perhaps we get into the self pity too easily and forget that maybe we should be grateful for what we do have that others who are not as fortunate than us don’t. it’s so easy to look at someone else whose life isn’t in a transition or depression or whatever else we might have and think that we are sooooo much less fortunate.

look at me for instance. (i’ll find the post and link it here later) i was all in myself thinking … why am i experiencing so many losses in my life? why am i depressed. why am i going through a divorce. why why why me! why is this all happening now. it’s not a good time in my life. blah blah blah- blah -blah. granted, i’m not in that place mentally anymore, but something that my friend david said was really powerful for me. he said:

wow M, you really have a lot going for you.

i was thinking to myself… who me? a lot going for ME???? i’ve been fired. i can no longer do what i’ve done for the past … 10 years. i’m looking at making a lot less money when i go back into the workforce. i’m divorcing someone who i really love. i’ve divested my relationship with my brother and sister - thus my access to my niece and nephew are shakey. i have to sell MY home. i’ve pushed my friends away. i’m lonely. i’m paying so much money for my health. my dad tried to commit suicide … like how many times … he’s got major depression and although he says he’s no longer experiencing psychotic episodes, i’m sure he STILL is - at least a little. my gramma is in a coma. i’m scared at the prospect of going back to work. i have to push myself to go buy food so i don’t starve. OK that’s enough.

then i said:

i do have THAT view (when i’m working at my desk - wow it’s foggy this morning)

dave’s response:

yeah. i look at a wall all day (when he’s working at his desk)

i have all the basics. roof over my head. cloths. food. all the basics and everything else is extra. there are people who don’t even have food.