my life with depression.com

hummmm … based on this, i think all of my relationships after my first boyfriend were rebounds that lasted two years each; aside from my 9 year one with S2BX…… is the one i have with my FRENCHIE a rebound? if it is, i don’t want to be in it - as much as it would hurt - either me or him.

i wouldn’t want to “use” him… but if i’m using him, is he using me too? is this long long long long two continent, thousands ‘n thousands ‘n thousands of miles apart relationship just one of convenience for both of us? would you call that convenience if he is in med-school and doesn’t really have the time to devote to someone and i need total independence? and this relationship works for both of us? well, i guess i’m not getting some of the things that i need … but maybe i’m just:

itching to make up for lost time. It’s human nature to want a committed, fulfilling relationship and that desire can cause us to leap into a rebound relationship full speed ahead. We may have a sense of urgency and a desire to make sure we get it right the next time around.

i’ve really been fighting that desire and sense of urgency and really trying to live in the moment and feel the pain and lack/ or little bit of intimacy and physical affection and the loneliness and the longing for someone to fall asleep with and wake up to. this is probably why S2BX and i still slept in the same bed after filing for divorce last year. no sex, but we still held each other like we used to …. ooh that makes me want to cry. i just miss the loved feeling of being held. shit. i just miss affection.

if it is a “rebound” then i want out. if it’s a relationship of convenience, then … i probably want out soon. he’s staying in the states to do research with a professor in experiemental medicine this summer. that three months with him. living the day to day. we are suppose to see how that works out and move from there.

[i’ve tried to be more realistic and see that he is human with human flaws. it took me a looooooooong time to do that. i just couldn’t find one. perhaps it’s the distance thing. i am now comfortable in knowing that he is human and he just like me and you does have a flaw or two. well, according to me at least. starting with his ability to provide me with what i want and will need soon. ah well … i’ll just try to enjoy this summer.]

Defining a Rebound Relationship:

A rebound relationship is one that occurs shortly after the break – up of a significant love relationship. If you are in a relationship but have distanced yourself emotionally from your relationship partner, you may begin a rebound relationship before you even leave the relationship you are in. If you move quickly from a long lasting relationship into another relationship then you are probably in a “rebound relationship.

Rebound Relationships Serve a Purpose:

A rebound relationship is a distraction. It is a connection to another person that keeps us from having to experience the full extent of the emotional pain of our resent break – up. It is a misguided attempt to move on with our lives. Many people will jump back into the dating scene because they fear being alone. It’s a quick fix, one in which we can drown out our pain by reveling in the emotional intensity and passion of a new found love. It can be a a lot more fun that dealing with the misery of a recently broken heart.

Great Expectations:

Don’t go into a rebound relationship expecting your new partner to make up for the shortcomings and mistakes of the old partner. I like to call this the “knight is shining armor syndrome.” You may have just come out of a relationship that involved infidelity or abuse so, you turn around and expect your new partner to be able to make up for the pain you experienced in the old relationship. More than likely, all you will do is exchange one set of problems for another.

Too Fast, Too Soon:

If you have spent years in a bad relationship you might be itching to make up for lost time. It’s human nature to want a committed, fulfilling relationship and that desire can cause us to leap into a rebound relationship full speed ahead. We may have a sense of urgency and a desire to make sure we get it right the next time around. Those are great motivators to have but, make sure that sense of urgency is not causing you to rush in the wrong direction.

Masking Your Pain:

This is the biggest problem in a rebound relationship. Usually someone ends up being used and hurt as a result. If you are in a relationship to distract yourself from the pain of a broken heart then you are using another person. More than likely when that person has served their purpose you will move on, leaving them to pick up the pieces. Be honest with your new relationship partner about your intentions.

Being Used by The Rebounder:

If you find yourself in a relationship with someone who has recently broken off a long term relationship, be cautious. Don’t allow your new relationship partner to set the pace. If you do, you will find yourself in the middle of a whirlwind. You don’t want to be left in the dust once he / she decides to move on.

If you are single, out there looking for love and longing for a committed relationship you probably won’t find what you desire from someone on the rebound. If you do become involved with such a person be sure to let the relationship develop slowly and to take care of yourself emotionally.

Emotional Pain Doesn’t Kill:

Experiencing and healing the pain of a broken relationship helps us become people who are more compassionate to other people’s pain. Emotional pain won’t kill you; it’s what you will do to avoid that pain that might kill you. Or, at least make you wish you had not moved so swiftly into a new relationship. So, do yourself and any potential new relationship partners a favor and deal with the pain of your old relationship before moving onto another one.