my life with depression.com

i met up with my friends stacey and angeleeeeeeeeka and little pascal today. we met at the restaurant crepeville in burlingame. i would’ve finished my meal had i not lost my appetite. what caused me to loose it? stacey did.

i told her about my plans to open an infant care / pre-school center. her first words were: but you don’t have kids! (i know) you don’t know anything about it, how can you be the director. (i don’t intend to be the director. i don’t qulaify. i only qualify as a teacher’s aid. i’ll hire one) there are zoning issues (i’m aware … i’ve attended a state orientation meeting already)… you have to make sure the place has what it’s suppose to have (i know) … did you know there has to be barriers in front of the doors ….. the front door has to be a certain distance away from the road …(angeleeeeeka chimes in “it’s city by city”) …. how are you going to keep the doors locked so no one can just come in (i would use an electronic keypad just like what my loft has)… I AM GOING TO HIRE STAFF. I WILL JUST OWN IT. I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE CARE OF THE CHILDREN. I’M PROVIDING A SERVICE TO AN UNMET NEED.

i know that she just cares about me, but there was sooo much condescension in her face and voice. reminds me of S2BX. well, i bit my tongue just like i did when the three of us were registering for our weddings. she insisted rather strongly that i scan the dough mixer. i didn’t want the dough mixer. it was large AND it took up a lot of space! i was living in a two bedroom apartment. she kept insisting that i’m going to regret not getting it later. how am i suppose to bake my child’s cake??? uhhhhhh…… first of all - i am NOT going to baking my child’s birthday cake. i am going to purchase it. besides, betty crocker cake mix tastes just as good. second of all, if i wanted a dough mixer later, i am not going to regret not registering for one at my wedding. i will just buy one! oh god. i wanted to slap her the rest of that day. after that … i decided that i was going to distance myself from her. i did and we’ve remained friends. it takes too much energy to be her friend. but recently this year, she and i have gotten somewhat closer again. she’s played her condescending tone with me before. she kept her mouth shut on my birthday, but ever time … what do i do. i smile and ignore it. just accepting that she just needs to play our mother - she does it to angeleeeeeeeeka too, but more so to me!



i sent her this email in response to an email that’s referred to in my response:

Thanks Stacey,

I’ve pulled a lot different schedules from others schools in the area and this one would be a nice addition to my references. Although I have several sources that notes what parents should be asking and looking for, what you look for is also very helpful in that i know you personally - and you are local.

I’ve not started doing my full market research as I am still getting myself aquatinted with local services that help people open centers - funding, locating sites, legal advice, mentoring programs, grant writing …. etc.

I will make an appointment with the lady that I met at the state informational meeting the i attended. she’s got 15 years of experience starting these things. She’s also involved in mentoring and handling internships for “montessori” teachers, so i will have her input on different teachers as she is familiar with the better ones. She is probably familiar with someone who is interested in becoming a director/head teacher for a new center with her experience. I’m sure she’ll become valuable as time progress. Luckily, she consults. she believes that more of these centers/homes centers are needed due to the lack of supply.

anyways, thanks again, great to see you again! and kisses to the boys!

M

then i decided that since i wasn’t emotional, i would send her an email message informing her of my thoughts. just like i am not allowing S2BX to be rude to me, i will also not allow anyone else to be rude and condescending to me and i will speak my mind rather than accepting or tolerating such uncouth behavior:

stacey, i have to tell you something.

what you did earlier today during lunch was really uncalled for. i understand that you are worried about me - and i am thankful for that, but your delivery and the words that you chose were very rude AND condescending. i did not appreciate that.

i’m not a child. i’m an adult.

and just because i don’t have a child doesn’t mean that i am unqualified to open a center. all it takes is money, research and consultants. i don’t need to justify to you whether i am qualified or not. it’s not your place to act like a condescending mother to me.

i’m not asking for your support. i’m asking that you stop the tone that you take with me. i will not ignore it any longer.

your friend,
M

so after reading my letter to mark and angeleeeeeeka, it was suggested that i not sound sooo business and to put “my feelings” in the letter. to soften it up. i would much rather send the letter above than send this one:

stacey, i have to tell you something.

my feelings were really hurt this afternoon. i understand that you are worried about me - and i am thankful for that, but i felt that your delivery was very rude AND condescending. i didn’t appreciate it.

i disagree with you and i feel that not having a child doesn’t mean that i am unqualified to open a center. all it takes is money, research and consultants. and hired staff.

i’m not asking for your support. i’m asking that you not take that tone with me again.

your friend,
M

angeleeeeeka also said that i won’t have to distance myself from stacey now because she won’t act like THAT anymore. i guess she does have a point. she and mark support what i am doing in calling stacey out on this.



this is stacey’s response:

i’m very sorry M. i have to say, i was not in a very good mind and i’m sure my comments did come out rudely. i think you would be a fabulous daycare owner and that’s why i had sent you the information on the schedules and the questionaire to help you along, which i know you can find out with a consultant also.

again, i’m sorry and please tell me at the time if i am being rude. i didn’t mean too, just was concerned, which obviously came out wrong.

-s