my life with depression.com

from a depression forum site:

I just got out of a 5 day hospital stay where I received 3 sessions of elecrical shock therapy, ECT. I couldn’t believe that I became so seriously depressed and had finally become so needy. It’s a process I don’t care to ever repeat. But it worked. the problem is that now I’m feeling very vulnerable and afraid that the depression and suicidal thoughts will return. It’s as if depression is a black shadow that lurks over my right shoulder. Can anyone share with me how to get over this fear. I would really like a support group to hold me up.

my response:

hi.

my therapist just said yesterday that i’m doing so well. i’ve been seeing her for a year now. she says that i’ve been making things happen and basically being proactive in getting better.

i think she’s more upbeat about it then me. for me, it’s only been two months. though it’s long, it’s not that long. yeah, i feel the depression on the side. i’m also afraid that it’s going to take the happiness that i’m feeling away. the energy. the motivation. i am in fear when the normal downs of life bring me down (like my gramma getting buried today). i always get scared that i’m on a down cycle again and i don’t want it.

i think i just have to build confidence in myself to keep doing what i’m doing because as an aggregate, all the things i’m doing is helping me beat depression. i AM holding my breath until the confidence is here. i think after six months of feeling good is when i can finally let my breath out.