my life with depression.com

start from the BEGINNING

i made it to my appointment.

i feel kinda shot down. well, no. not shot down. more like deflated and given some really hard things to think about. i was telling her that i wanted to start an infant childcare center because the need for them is sooo great that the demands are not really getting met. basically she said that if i wanted to have some type of influence, i would have to get some experience being with the children. she thought that i wanted to eventually work and run the center… uhhhh NO. i know where my strengths are and right now they are in business and marketing. besides, if i were tied to the location, then i wouldn’t have the freedom that i want. i know i am going to have to work more, but my goal is to eventually let it run with me checking on it here and there. she suggested that i start small. like do an family child care center in my loft. that way i can get a feel for it and see if that is what i want to do.

i guess i will have to think about that long and hard. well, i’ll start thinking about it now and start whatever i do AFTER all my mouth work. i am going from the pharmaceutical industry to babies. that’s over a $80k cut in income. wow. i guess i will have to start the non-profit side of the fence too.

i guess i have to think about this in this way. when a CEO is hired, what criteria do they use to hire the person. is it that they know the business inside and out? or is it because he or she is a good leader who can inspire and lead and who knows business. does s/he have to know how to change the diapers or will s/he surround him/herself with people who know how and who can tell him/her if the huggies brand of diapers should be used or if generic kirkland diapers from costco is OK.



oh yeah, after my perio appointment this morning, i went to redwood shores to pick up boxes and my mountain bike and my snowboard.

ok. there’s my mountain bike, my bowling ball (black case on the rolley), my snowboard and my golf clubs. there’s also my waffle maker, my early 1900’s victorain lamp that the parentals gave me and some dresses. YES. dresses - no i barely wear them.

anyways, 5 of the boxes were memory boxes and my stupid ass was curious to see what memories i had. BIG MISTAKE!

TEARS.

PAIN

i found the 2005 box and read some of the birthday cards and anniversary cards. we were really kidding ourselves. that was just right before i had my world crash. little did i or he know that just a few months later, our lives would take the biggest turn that we would ever expect. i was reading things like: we can overcome anything, look what we’ve gone through, you’re my bestfriend, i never realized that that face that i saw … would be the face that i’d wake up to for the rest of my life, expand our family … the loves stuff … cherish, lucky to have you … all my success would be empty without you … i can’t wait for the rest of our lives to happen ……