my life with depression.com

ok. i think i’m totally hooked on my FRENCHIE. either that or i just really missed him. he left last saturday to visit with his cousins somewhere in france. i don’t know what city. anyways, i finally spoke with him yesterday morning on ichat (mac) and i felt like i’ve not seen him in forever! i was sooo elated! i don’t know if that is a good thing or not. i tried to not take any of his time. he looked hella tired and he complained he was hella tired. had problems studying for his evening class AND it was raining in paris.

that was a bad sign for me. i’m just trying to chill and here i am all … iiiiii miiiiissssssssss youuuuuuuuu … like a love sick teenager.

anyways, that’s gotta change … especially since he can’t have any distractions for the next 4 weeks.

i worked on my business plan yesterday. this time, i worked on the Start-up Expenses. I almost had a heart attack because i projected about $100K … nope! with a 3 month working capital and estimated $50K for construction … $200K. HOLY SHMOLEY! that’s a whole latta moola!

then i looked at the number and thought … well there are a lot of people who do things with venture capitalists (VCs) and they get millions. but then again, the VCs own a portion of their company, but at the same time, the “owners” don’t have to pay the money back like i would. wow … tough call … have an investor (in my case, perhaps an angel investor) all up in your business or owe money to the bank.

i put the $200k in perspective and remembered that if i want to be a millionaire, then money like that is not that much. i guess i got a lot of training from my old job. i was used to writing checks for $12K for my credit card bills or pay $5K to a restaurant or give $40K to a researcher or to be asked for $1M from a university. so after my reality check, $200K is really nothing. even if you look at property here in SF, you can’t get shit for $200K. not when studios of 500 sqft are running you … in the $500Ks. so now it’s nothing. well, it’s a lot, but it’s not at the same time.

i read this thing about thinking you are a millionaire and you will think and take steps to lead you there. so spending $100 should not be anything. the problem with me is that $1000 is nothing to me!

anyways, i just got an email from my friend in LA. he’s a urologist that i used to work with and called on. i was his favorite rep…. of course … we’ve been friends since then. he and his wife both came to my wedding …. they are divorced now … that saddens me … i really liked barabara. i could see where the problems were though. she was mother hen and normal and he was into the beverly hills / hollywood lifestyle. bijan the designer only opens his rodeo drive shop in beverly hills for clients who will spend a minimum of $13K, but he’ll open it for my friend who won’t spend money because bijan will just give him that leather jacket! he and jay leno share the same passion for cars, so needless to say, leno gave him a tour of his “garage”. so there you have it. soccer mom meets beverly hills.

i’m meeting him at his house off doheney drive and we’re suppose to eat at katana. i’ve never been there … i used to go to matsuhisa (YUMMY!)or sushi roku - so this should be a treat. i kinda don’t know my place here though. every time we used to go out to eat, i would whip out my AMEX card because aside from being a friend, he was also my customer… but now, he’s just my friend. do i … pay for half? i would like to … i don’t want him paying for my meal … well … you know … HE SHOULD … shit! he’s the doctor! i think i will tell him that he is going to pay. i will buy us coffee though. my therapist says to do what i can afford and i can’t afford over $150 on sushi. AND I KNOW it’s going to cost at least $150 for just a few things. i guess it’s just another change that i’m going to have to adjust to … especially now that i’m getting back in touch with my former-customer-friends. our relationship has changed.

it’s gonna be so much fun! i haven’t been on sunset in like … forever.

oooh this looks sooo good.

i think i’m craving to eat at the restaurants that i used to eat at … chandara - thai with the BIG chested asian girl servers - in marina del rey, oooh that one restaurant off of la cienega south of wilshire … ummmm i want to say vesuvious, but that’s not it because it’s not italian … was it peruvian? … it started with a V … they also had another restaurant in encino …. arg! i can’t remember …. it’s sooo good and they have platanos - plantains … oh what was it ???

i gotta take my FRENCHIE to LA and eat at those restaurants. i want to take him to chick’n chow - the kosher fried chicken-chinese food restaurant — that was always weird … i wonder if these places are still open … the miss the food. the only place here in SF that has impressed me more than the sushi i used to get in LA is Ozumo. all this talk of food is making me hungry!