my life with depression.com

VERSAILLE!!!!! that’s the restaurant that i was thinking of earlier today!

i knew i would remember!

so i finally made it to the theatre. i’ve been wanting to watch “the valet“. it’s a cute foreign film with subtitles in french. it was kinda cool because i was reading in english, but i understood some of the french so i got a more filling experience than say someone who only read the subtitles. at least i think i did. it was funny. i heard though that this is not this guys funniest comedy, but it was funny anyway. click on the link or CLICK HERE to see the trailer. it really is cute and funny.

afterwards, i walked down to the scandanavian design store and purchased the couch. i’m probably gonna hear it from my FRENCHIE but it’s my money and i want a couch. at least i didn’t spend the $1300 that i would’ve had i purchased the other set from west elm or $2000 also from west elm. i make my own decisions now and no man is going to tell me what to do again. i’d like to think that i’ve got it covered.

that’s not me in the picture. remember … i’m filipina AND i’m NOT BLONDE

i walked back to my car and started driving home … then i though, HEY! i should just get dinner … saw a baja fresh and ErrrrrrrrrrrrrK parked it one block away from where i originally parked. i know stupid, but THERE ARE NO BAJA FRESHES near me and i can’t believe that i have to drive like … 5 miles just to get it in berkeley. i always used to eat there when i was living at the grand apartments in sherman oaks and when i moved to foster city and still while in redwood shores. i was such a happy camper … they even had MANGO SALSA … yum! i’m still a happy camper even now.

i was glad that i forced myself to walk in berkeley. i got to see whats around. i think i like berkeley a little. way too many students though. i can’t believe i used to want to live in palo alto to be near stanford and “smarty pants” people. i think i would’ve been soo annoyed. i’d only meet students. YOUNGER students at that. oh, at the store, the guy ringing me up was like “i would never have guessed you to be 33″. he and the other girl agreed that i looked 25 EVEN with my glasses on. hmmm. that doesn’t sound good as i was wearing a nice black cowl neck top with jeans and a green lady’s day coat with my hair pulled back. i should’ve at least looked like i am in my late 20’s! he shared that he was 31. i would’ve thought that but poor guy, he had to shave his head as he was already balding up top. must be english … is that a generalization or is it just european men in general?

i have a feeling that i will end up marrying a younger guy if i get married again. not because my FRENCHIE is 23 going on 24! but because i look at people in my age group and i think they are too old. they don’t look like me (i have a baby face) and i don’t look like them - nor do i look at them. someone my age - i would think - would be interested in men in ….. mmmm … their late 30’s … but i don’t like that idea. i’ve never dated older than one year older. i don’t know. i want to marry for love and all that soft stuff, but i have to be realistic too. money is important and i think that someone older would be more established and would provide more “security” when we/i start a family. the way I WANT my family to start. established career, own the house already and ready to move forward in that chapter of life. someone younger won’t necessarily be there with me when i am ready. i would like a baby by 36. that also means married, stable relationship, stable life, established …………….. why can’t i let that expectation go? maybe it’s because i idealize things and that is the ideal situation for me to feel comfortable bringing life into the world. i don’t want to do that if i am not sure that i can give that child the biggest leg up in the world. i wouldn’t want to bring the child into the world if i was not married, not in a stable relationship, stable life so the child can get continuity and have the economic advantage that i didn’t get from my parents that i dream for my child - the affluent leg up. anyways, i’m getting sad, so change of subject.

anyways, i was watching a show on PBS called think tank and they were interviewing the author of one nation one standard. this puerto rican born american used to believe in the ESL classes - english as second language - while in congress, but now believes it actually hinders hispanic kids. he now believes that spanish should not be spoken in school to help the kids of hispanic immigrants join society quicker. he also advocates it for their parents too. i saw a “send us your opinion at thinktank@pbs.org” so i sent them my thoughts on it.

here is what i sent them:

i agree with the gentleman guest. i am 33 years old and have been trying to learn french. i learned some basics on my own, but immersed myself in french by taking classes at l’Alliance Fracaise in Paris. I’ve done that twice and i was forced to speak french. because i was forced to speak french, i was able to improve my abilities. i found my skill diminished greatly after coming back to the united states, though i took three hours of french at l’Alliance Franciase in San Francisco and 2 hours with a tutor in a talking group.

i am an american citizen now, but came here as a philippine immigrant. though i was fluent in english, i believe that my fluency helped me assimilate into the school system. my parents insisted that my brother, sister and i speak only english at home as english was now our family’s language. my siblings and i were able to practice english both at home and school. unfortunately, hispanic immigrants who come to the states are not necessarily fluent in english. they must be immersed at school as that is the only place they will have practice. once home, their parents who do not speak english will expect them to only speak spanish.

i attribute my attainment of the american dream in that i didn’t have the issue of english to overcome. i had that advantage. why not lessen immigrant hispanic kid’s issues that they must over come by giving them the basics of english to build upon.

they must also be guided and expected that school does not stop at high school. for them to succeed and increase their social status, they must be expected to attend college. we cannot rely on their parents to insist upon this as their parents are less likely to have attained higher education. their mindset is “working with one’s hands and leaving high school to do labor makes one a man”.

so the issue is two folds. one is learning english asap and to give the kids the expectation that they must attend university.