my life with depression.com

WOW! what a morning. NICKIE fell asleep downstairs so i left her there. she woke me up at 12am with all the noise that she was making, but i think it’s because she was trying to tell me that she left two types of presents for me! i decided to clean in the morning. not a big rush because it’s on wood and it means less waste of paper towels. NICKIE tended to her morning business - of course not where she needs to do it.

so i’ve been very productive and it’s only been 6 hours since i’ve woken up - 6am to … it’s now 11:30.

my power cord for my macbook is coming after 2weeks of waiting. i guess they needed a credit card number for me to get a replacement - i have to send the old one back.

i was emailing back and forth with a commercial real estate broker who is now my agent and i contacted the other agent letting him know i want to lease his space! i washed some dishes. NICKIE got her morning walk and i called my dad!



i went to the apple store because i can’t wait for the cord anymore. i also ordered some noodles from zao. i don’t think i will order it again. kinda plain. i wanted to order the dish that KEVIE ordered once when he and i ate there, but i guess i guessed wrong. while i was waiting for that to get done, i went and looked around H&M. they just opened one here. thank goodness because that means i don’t have to go to san francisco or paris to buy it. i bought 6 items…. i think that i am going to return my purchases from armani exchange. i only got 3 tank-tops there and it’s already the price of my H&M purchase. i will keep one though because it’s cute. H&M is good to shop at if you want something that’s trendy but may not wear next year. it doesn’t hurt as much when you can’t wear a sweater anymore next year because you only bought it for $19. at times, you can even find things that are good quality and tailored and affordable! when i’m there, i feel more adventurous in what i purchase. i tend to stick to the “conservative” stores. JCrew, abercombie & fitch, banana republic (though they’ve changed their image) mixed with some old navy and ralph lauren’s polo. AND ZARA!!!! my favorite european store.



my FRENCHIE and i just finished talking and it’s about 12:10 in the morning there. he’s going to bed. we talked about the possibility of repeating his last year of med-school depending on the results of his ranking exam. he wants to do a rotation in a competitive specialty: oncology (cancer). to get that rotation, he has to score and rank really high against all the other med students in all of france. crazy huh?

i told him to do whatever it takes to get into the specialty that he wants. after all, that’s his life. even if it takes another year. now in regards to us, that’s another year that he’s going to be in france and another extra year of instability - for him and us. what does that mean? i don’t know. we are just taking it one day at a time. remember that we are going to evaluate what we have after the three months that he’s spending here in the summer. let’s say in the event that pigs fly and i actually move to france, that also means that i will have to live there an extra year. maybe it wouldn’t be too bad, but i don’t think that i would be as marketable there as i am here. therefor, i don’t know if i could afford to live there. my life and life style would go back to being that of a 20-year old. well, someone else’s 20’s because i was making in the $70Ks to $80Ks back then and my total household was about $150K. i’ve never lived that life. i’ve usually just been able to get whatever i wanted because my investments and savings were automatic. everything was set up so i was saving $15K for my retirement every year and my stock purchase plan was set up and money was taken out for bonds and etc. we carried zero debt until we purchased both properties. the car was even bought cash.

well, i guess i had that life, but i also had a partner who was not giving me all that i needed. now i may have that, but i have to sacrifice everything else. CAN I PLEASE JUST GET A BREAK!! ???!!! couldn’t i just get something in the middle?

i guess i had a great life back then and i didn’t even know it. i used to think that i never made enough. maybe it’s because i would hear about other co-workers who live in texas or oregon or seattle or las vegas who also made the same amount, but were living in 5,000 sqare foot homes set on one acre and they have horses. i had an apartment and it wasn’t even new like i thought my first apartment would be. it was a great place though.

i guess i’m rambling on … 12 MORE DAYS UNTIL my FRENCHIE ARRIVES!

oh yeah, i also called my labor attorney and they said that the company asked for an extension and we should hear back from them by june 8th. our starting negotiation amount was $150K. i’m not happy with that because what they did was illegal and demeaning AND i lost any confidence in myself to go back to any type of sales. i have to re-invent myself and i think i suffered far more than $150k worth … my reputation was soiled … and if i sue them with a jury, i may get $450K. they harassed me … etc all while i was on disability for my major depression. those F-ers!

oh and i sent a strong email to my divorce attorney asking what the h*ll is taking them so long to get me the finally paperwork so i can get divorced already!!!