my life with depression.com

ok. i just got of the phone with my bank of america premier client manager. she has transfered my money into two new accounts and has linked my atm card too. she said once S2BX’s financial manager does whatever he has to do, then the accounts will be separated. that’s probably going to happen by the end of this week.

she confirmed that i received my new checks. i told her yes and opened them to confirm that the info was all correct. i took notice of the section that says “member since” and the date on it says 1988. i requested that year because that is how long i’ve banked with them. i remember my mom taking me there in the 8th grade and putting $100 into it. when i got married, since S2BX was more cash rich - was more investment rich, we decided to close my account and transfer the balance to his. he was already a premier member and got all the extra stuff like calling him mr. h at the bank. that was so cool when they called me ms. m we were both all excited! but getting the free safe deposit box was really cool too and having to use your finger print to open the safe was cool.

went on a tangent. well, we closed mine down and i got checks that said “member since 1991.” i didn’t feel special anymore. i felt like i lost a part of me. in a sense, i did and i became S2BX. we should’ve closed his account and opened a joint rather than making “HIS” into a joint account.

gosh i’m still bitter. i remember saying that we should have 4 sub-accounts. one for me, one for him, one for the household and one for savings. i said that i didn’t want him knowing how much i spent on his birthday gifts etc. he argued that it would just become complicated, but … back then, we had automatic transfer of our paychecks into our checking account and every month, he’d have to move some of that money into savings. plus, if i had my own account and we got to spend the same amount every month, then each person is able to have more freedom on how they spend their money and the other person can just shut the f*ck up. it’s not like he would say stuff, but i let him have more control than he should’ve.

today, after seeing the “1988,” i felt something come over me. this giddy feeling. i’m myself again. i’m not S2BX, i’m me. a reason for our relationship failure i’m sure.