my life with depression.com

Hi M,

I credit my therapists for helping me to recover from an awful major depression too, they’ve been great, and have helped me to actively work on defeating the monster of depression (as you say we have to try, in order to get any better). (I’ve had two therapists because my first one went on medical leave, and I was relieved that I really clicked right off with the new one.)

Keep up the good work with the website,

Peter

i saw it in my dad. he’s home. he’s asleep. he’s on the couch. he’s asleep. i understood that his meds made him sleepy in the afternoon. i understood that it was hard to get out of the house. but it was so hard to see him deteriorate from the dad i knew to this man being treated for major depression who barely any emotions, who barely spoke now and who didn’t want to go anywhere. he was no longer allowed to do patient care or be around “sick” people. he worked with cancer patients all his life. now that he couldn’t, what was he suppose to do? maybe it’s that my dad couldn’t adapt to the situation as fast as the rest of us wanted him to be. he just wanted to stay home. i’d say: you should volunteer! he would say: i’d rather stay home if i’m not going to get paid. but then i’d say: work at hallmark (or something like that) then he’s say: ….. well i forgot, but it had to do with making minimum wage. it was hard to balance what he was getting from disability or retirement - i don’t know which one - he was forced to retire early eventually, but if he made more than like $800 in a month, then his benefits would be cut down by that much and it would affect something else …. i don’t remember the exact thing, but he couldn’t go back to the hospital.

my mom has helped him get out of the house by giving him errands to do. he’s usually very good about that. also, my dad will ALWAYS say no to going to the movies or dinner. now, my mom just says that she doesn’t want to stay home on her days off all the time and would like to go. my dad concedes and they go. five years later, i’ve seen more of my “old” dad’s personality. i’m not hoping for that man to come back out. this is who my dad is now and he nor i will ever be our old selves. we’ve both been changed by our experience with our own individual major depression and he and i have tried at different degrees. that’s okay. he and i are different people with different spans of support.

my dad has always been “shy” and not as “let’s invite the whole world over to the house!” like my mom. most of his friends were co-workers and since we all go through the pushing people out of our lives, they are no longer in his life.

i am happy though that he is trying. i just wish he saw his therapist more often — IF — he still has one.

my dad doesn’t have his staring into nowhere look here.