my life with depression.com

NO PRESENTS FROM NICKIE TODAY!! she actually woke up before me. her little bell woke me up. i peered down and guess what i saw … NICKIE using her pee pee pad! that’s two straight days in a row!

this morning i read up on things i need to know regarding employment taxes and disability taxes etc. i also have researched liability insurance. it’s about $35 per child per month. so at 90% capacity, i’m paying $7000 just for insurance! crazy plus rent would be another $6000 plus salaries would total … another $9000 oh and their benefits … that’s pretty darn close to the income each month. no wonder people don’t offer infant care. you don’t make money! luckily i have savings until i can get to a more profitable position and maximize the space that i’m leasing. oh! and i would still have to pay off the loans each month! i told myself that i just need $2300 each month to cover my rent and day to day can come out of savings for now. that’s even cutting it close with what i would be taking in.

had my therapy today. i arrive just in time. i brought up my recent lawyer story and my recent commercial real estate agent stories. i told her about how it made me feel like i was not being nice or i was mean or rude. i said ” i know …. i know … i wasn’t very direct.” (she want’s me to work on being direct) but she said that i was. she said that i told both of them what i wanted. she said that i told them what i deserved and i asked for it and that’s what i stated in those emails. she said that people take advantage when one is too nice. she said that i was not being a bitch nor was i being rude. i was stating what i wanted directly. like how a man would do it. but men wouldn’t be considered bitches when they are direct. we got into a conversation about women in business - or direct women in general - they are considered like that. she shared a story about her bathroom renovations. she’s the one handling it - all of it and her husband has nothing to do with the project. before leaving, the plumber said, “tell your husband to call me so i can tell him what the problem is.” she said, “just tell me.” but the plumber insisted that it was better if her husband (who by the way is not the type to know such things) called. my therapist is like, well just tell me so i can explain it to him.

there was another time when she had to ask her husband to use his male voice so that the workers can get started on something that she’s been wanted them to do. they did it for her husband - who is totally not in the whole renovation loop!

anyways, i also told her that i spoke with three random people while walking NICKIE. a woman waiting for the bus at the bus stop. she has a toy poodle at home. simon, my neighbor’s restaurant manager. and this woman with a 10 year old pit bull. there was something wrong with his hind legs. then i mention how i’m meeting up with my friend MIKE for lunch next week and was going to see some old friends after the session …

she says that i’m venturing out!

she asked me to compare myself with who i was last year at this time. the company was controlling the situation and then S2BX had to take over because i couldn’t take control. and now, she says that i’m taking control. control with my lawyer and with the real estate agent. i’m not taking SH*T from anybody! NOT EVEN MY DOG! (she goes outside now)

i went to the mall to return some stuff. three hundred dollars worth. one pair of shoes and one pair of pants. BUT LOOK AT WHAT I GOT FOR NICKIE AT ONE OF THOSE PET BOUTIQUE!!!

OK! NO MORE SPENDING ON NICKIE…