my life with depression.com

i met with the commercial real estate agents for the retail space that i’m looking at. my agent was there too. i think the meeting went rather well. most of the conversation was between me and them. more me that’s good in that i was able to answer questions for them. i toured the space again with my agent. 2500 square feet. WOW. starting rent right now without walls or carpet or anything is $5000. it’s still not sinking in yet. i still can’t believe that this is my life and that i’m going to do this. i incorporated myself as an LLC monday. i’m suppose to follow up with my financials, resume, 2 years of taxes and business plan for their management to review. after that, if they think i am a good occupier of their space, then we will start negotiations. it seems that they are very easy to work with and offer flexibility. i actually get an extra 100 sqft of space that i don’t have to pay for because they don’t have to build an extra fire escape hallways as i am occupying three adjoining spaces.

i’m not scared. i’m not stressed. i’m kinda like … la di da … that’s the only way i can describe my feelings. i saw S2BX monday. he dropped off mail. it was nice to see him. funny … i expected a lecture from him about my purchasing a new couch. but the response from him was “wow! cool couch! i need to buy one like that… is it expensive?” i think we ARE STILL going to get along even after this. i just can’t imagine doing what i’m doing if i was still with him. i feel free, but not exactly as i have obligations, but there is this free feeling.

i’m still socializing. yesterday, i had my french talking group - we moved it to tuesday nite. i had a good evening giving me more confidence in my french. our tutor said a sentence, repeated it and we had to translate it in english. these sentences weren’t the easy : i eat - type either. i understood half the first time and i would put it together after the second time. trouble was when i didn’t know a certain word.

last night, after my french thing, i followed my neighbor CYNTHIA to a restaurant in oakland. she had reservations and her friend the owner was cooking for us. her good friend JOSEPHINE was there, SIMON her restaurant manager and her ex-boyfriend MARK were there. it was a five course and EVERY COURSE was delish! only sipped wine because i was already tired; left midnight. the owner kept the kitchen open for us. we got the friend discount of $65 each. i totally would’ve paid $120 to this restaurant versus that mediocre underground dining thing that i did. the ribs fell of the bone, the mini lobster was well made, the large prawns in mango-tamarin chapotle was excellent and not too strong, the sea bass was buttery with an interesting blend of mushrooms and chili served with cilantro rice, the filet minon was not too big and not too small and was tender - with the jus not over powering and lastly, souflé with sorbet. i LOVE souflé and i’ve not had it in such a long time.

my divorce lawyer’s office just called me back. the paperwork with all revisions and etc will be ready tomorrow. they will email and send hard copies. spoke with S2BX and told him. we will sign as soon as it arrives. still numb with no feelings. but i’m not worried about it. i’ve had so much on my plate and i’ve been so busy. it’s probably good, but i want to deal with those feelings now rather than push them to the side and have it simmer and come out in an inopportune time.

also spoke with a 70 year old man named WILLY while walking NICKIE. he lives in the retirement building near my place. we spoke for awhile. he went to korea during the war and had some stories. stories about growing up in los angeles way back then. about how our current president is pushing the whole world away — he was kinda careful when he was criticizing the government. he felt uncomfortable saying he hates the U.S. government right now. i told him that he should just say it because that is the right that he as a soldier defended and fought for while in the military! he should be able to say fuck george dubya bush. funny. looking back in history, psychiatrist are able to diagnose the psychiatric states of different leaders, painters or whatever. from peter the great to van gogh — some were depressed and some had paranoia as can be seen in their actions as leaders. since we have privacy laws in place, we will never really know if our president - the one in charge of like… how many nuclear weapons - has some type of psychosis until someone examines his actions.

i’m betting he’s got something. just my opinion.

the topper of my day is that i got to video chat with my FRENCHIE today. he’s back from his medical ranking exam. he doesn’t feel too confident, but there is no use in worrying about it now. i should book him a massage - poor stressed out thing!

FOUR MORE DAYS UNTIL my FRENCHIE ARRIVES!!!!!



oh yeah, can i complain? as i was getting ready for my meeting yesterday, i decided to wear my seersucker suite, well the slacks anyway- i wiggled my a$$ into it. sucked my tummy in, button and zipped, walked around and proceeded to do the reverse. my thighs were squished in there sooo tightly! they would’ve ripped had i sat down. i hate gaining weight! granted … they are a size petite 0 or 1 and i’m probably running a P2 now. again. I’M NOT SAYING I’M FAT. it’s just my cloths are not fitting and it’s depressing specially when you have an outfit picked out and you have to scramble for another. or even replace what you have. YIPPY!!! SHOPPING!!!