my life with depression.com

i just got off the phone with S2BX. i’m upset. we talked about the marital settlement agreement. he brought up sharing the costs of transferring title of the florida property to his name. i didn’t agree because all costs associated to it are his and all costs associated to the redwood shores property are mine. it’s like my asking him to pay for half of the $44K in realtor fees that i paid! i thought that i’ve been pretty easy with everything. he brings up the whole, “i didn’t have to take on the cost of florida. if we sold it, we would’ve lost our initial investment ….” number one, i told him that i was okay with selling florida and we could’ve deducted the loss. number two, he gets the tax deduction to lower his income. he makes in the 6 digits with no kids or other worthwhile deductions. he brings up how if he didn’t pay for the mortgage, then i would still be liable for florida’s mortgage. two words GUILT TRIP and it’s not going to work and i called him out on it. about how he worked hard at cleaning redwood shores and blah blah blah and how i made more money from it than what we expected and blah blah blah. well, he would’ve taken the same days off to clean it EVEN if we both were getting the money AND i told him not to bother because i just wanted to hire some cleaning people to do it.

when i brought up the hotel / airline points, he says that i was becoming emotional and he didn’t want the conversation to turn that way because it didn’t have to be. whatever.

i believe that when you say something like “i can’t believe you don’t think that you have to pay half to transfer the property because you’ve agreed to everything else” is trying to give me a guilt trip AND at the same time, i don’t know why he expect me to be so easy going with everything. i didn’t fight him on anything. of the money we got back form taxes, i kept only one-thousand and gave him the rest.

he found bonds in our safe deposit box worth about $2200. i can’t believe he even brings it up for discussion because i see those as part of my retirement and we keep all of our retirement stuff. it’s bad enough that i sold my johnson and johnson stocks (also for retirement) cost was $17 and was sold at $63! he didn’t argue much there. i think that my not asking for spousal support is already HUGE! there’s a difference in income potential, in education and past base salaries. he would have to give me support for at least 2.5 years at a cost of $150K. what i am actually getting in the whole thing is less than what i SHOULD be getting!

he ultimately said that i was being sensitive due to the past and past events and i’m seeing things that he is no longer doing because he is not trying to give me a guilt trip. i told him that perhaps he doesn’t intend to try to get things his way by giving me a guilt trip, but perhaps the way it’s coming out IS a way that would seem as if he was giving me a guilt trip.

whatever. i’m glad that this is almost done. he said that i can’t lecture him on what he should and shouldn’t do because we don’t have a relationship like we did … i told him then that he shouldn’t do it to me.

i thought i’d cry more. just a few tears dropped down. i saw what happened. he tried his technique. it didn’t work. he tried to be friends and make things cool. i see that as a success for me. i didn’t give in — i had the strongest desire - just so i didn’t have to risk his friendship if he wasn’t happy, but FUCK it! if he’s not going to talk to me over something like that … the fuck him. i’ve already given too much of myself to him for him not to appreciate. i’m done doing that.

oh shit. tears are wanting to come out again.

i reminded him to fill out the income and expense declaration forms. he originally didn’t want to do it, but the lawyer sent the forms again. i told him that if he didn’t want to do it, then he didn’t have to, but if that is the reason for any delay, then i shouldn’t have to hear about it from him = no complaints as he is the one holding things up.