my life with depression.com

this is the question i posed to my FRENCHIE when he said that he missed me. he’s traveling to to mom’s house where there is no high speed internet, so our communication has not been over video. sucks really bad. how did folks do it back in the day without video? or computers … or even affordable telephone plans?

anyways, i don’t know if he can verbally tell me why he loves or misses me. he’s told me once that it’s because i make him feel happy. is that a guy thing? it seems a little abstract to me. what do i do that makes him happy? is it because i give him massages every night or it is because i snooze the alarm clock for him three times every morning? because i like to buy him things that he wouldn’t buy for himself? why?

certainly during the time that we spent together this summer, we were to find out what the answer is to WHY. given the fact that we are going to try to continue our relationship, i assume that he found some of those reasons. i just wish i knew what it is i do for him.

just knowing might just give me reassurance that we are on the same page. i feel like we are, but my ability to read people has not as been acute as it once was. being where i am in my life, i don’t want to be in a relationship where we are not on the exact same page. i can’t afford it — time wise or fertility wise. i swear i hate being a women when it comes to that.

anyways … this is an IM conversation that we just had. it’s 10:38 am there and 1:38 am here. he was being a smart ass and asking me to answer my own question.

my frenchie: WHY do yu love me ?

i love you because you try for me.

my frenchie: I try to find why ?


i love you because you make me laugh

my frenchie: I am so funny

i love you because you are thoughtful

my frenchie: I know


i love you because you are always thinking ahead
i love you because … i think you respect me
i love you because you support me and my crazy ideas

my frenchie: thats true


i love you because you accept me for me while no one else will — i’m sure of that.
i love you because you liked my emergency food that my mom made.

my frenchie: c’est vrai


i love you because you get me out and about

my frenchie: STOP
my frenchie: yu gonna make me cry


you asked why …

my frenchie: mean
my frenchie: yu just want to show off


i’m telling why
no i just wanted to answer your question

my frenchie: so I feel embarrassed
my frenchie: mean

because you were being a smart ass.

my frenchie: I am so smart […]
my frenchie: ass !