my life with depression.com

ok. i have to take a shower soon, but here goes….

i’ve been on my personality kick again. trying to understand who i am and what type of personality best fits me and what type of personality is my FRENCHIE and what is it about our relationship that i like and what is it that he likes and blah blah blah. he says it’s mumbo jumbo. (i guess it’s part of my personality.. always in search for who i am) i think to a certain extent, once in a relationship, it can be helpful in giving you an insight into your partner so you can have a better understanding of why they do that one thing that drives you CRAZY!!! and be more accepting and forgiving towards them.

my therapist says that i’m thinking too much when it comes to the pursuit of my life partner. she says that i just have to feel my feelings.

it’s not until now that i finally understood.

what is the purpose of relationships? most people will say that it’s about working together as a team. us against them. to get something out from that person. but if you think about it, if you use your feelings doesn’t it become about what that person brings out in you? we show a different part of ourselves when we are with different people. those people bring out different parts of us. if a person is mean and aggressive, we respond to that as differently as we do if another person wee nice to us. so the question is… what does our partner bring out in us and do we like who we are when we are with that person? do they bring out the best in us or do they bring out the worse?

i think the whole thing with this personality thing is that we are the same. if we were in the middle, then we would be very balanced. not too many people - or maybe no one can achieve that. you can get close, but you can’t achieve a perfect balance between the yin and yang in you. the goal in life should be to be as close to it as possible. growing up, we tend to be what we are more inclined to be. we tend to be what we find to be more comfortable for us. so, each one of us has an extrovert AND and introvert side of us … it’s just which one do you tend to feel more comfortable in. for me, i lean heavily on being an extrovert. for me to achieve balance, i have to do activities that are more introverted. i have to be okay being by myself and not fearing to be alone. to not have to be in the center of attention — that’s more of an immature extrovert— i have to practice thinking first and acting second. so many times, i am going 100 miles a minute that i act first then think later. maybe that’s what “growing up” or “maturing” is all about. softening those extremes in us by moving more towards the middle.

my friend KEVIE boils it down to: how about just finding someone who f*cks you good and treats you right?