developing the undeveloped side of myself
Tuesday, December 4th, 2007i figured it out. why my therapist keeps telling me to focus on how i feel. how something or someone makes me feel. she’s also told me to stop thinking!
i’ll explain it through my myer’s briggs personality indicator: ENFP
this means that the way i approach the world is through intuition. secondly, my feelings side is introverted and my thinking side comes out if my introverted feeling side doesn’t.
the problem with this is that my thinking side is not very developed. meaning that since it’s my 3rd function - extro intuition first, introverted feeling second and extro thinking third. so it’s almost like i make immature decisions because i’m not helping the thinking side with the more dominant introverted feeling.
i think that’s why i ended up with my EX-husband back then. i pushed everything that i was feeling or whatever intuitions i felt and just thought about how he’s assertive and capable and ambitious and knowledgeable and HE KNEW WHAT HE WANTED (i didn’t) and he had formed strong opinions on everything already (i flip-flop sometimes. i can see both sides of things and for me, both sides usually have a valid point. because of this, i have a very difficult time picking sides or making decisions.) but now i realize that just because he was all that, it didn’t and doesn’t mean he’s right. i see that now.
a lot of his relationships i helped with. he’s close to his parents now because i pushed for it. i used to always want to see his friend steve and hang out. my EX-husband never cared if we did or didn’t, so i would be the one to text message steve and invite him for sushi with us. we would go to salt lake to golf or snowboard because i pulled us there so i can see my friend angelica. we took a big italy trip and hit so many cities and experience so many experiences because i push — NO — i nagged about taking a grand vacation. he of course was the one who had to set everything up. but i think that i’m working on that side of me. i am trying to be able to do that for myself or others.
my FRENCHIE became close to one of his classmates now because i insisted that we hang with him. my FRENCHIE was neutral on him and didn’t care if we hung out or not. turns out that charles is really cool and we enjoyed our summer all together.
things having to do with people i think i’m naturally good at, but knowing how i feel or knowing what i want (especially in a boy) is very difficult for me.
question is .. how does one develop their less developed side?
