my life with depression.com

God! I’m so angry! I’m so angry with how things ended. With how things turned out. I am so angry at my FRENCHIE for not taking care of me. For expecting EVERYTHING from me and not willing to give as much. He offered marriage out of the blue when he saw that he was loosing me. Then starts talking about his fear of gold digging and the possibilities of my just wanting the French citizen ship etc. This shows me that he’s just talking about marriage as a desperate option and that if he’s not ready to marry me, then I can’t marry him.

He wanted us to try again. So that means that he expects me to put my life on hold SOME MORE??!!?? I’ve already waited. I gave him the chance. I invested myself and money into it already. How much more does he want from me? More risk? When he can’t even take any himself? I HATE HIM FOR THAT! I’ve proven that I was willing to move and have taken steps to get there, he has has not shown me the same.

I tell him that 25% of me can consider a move to France. I can because I love him and I ultimately want to be with him, but I can’t stop my life anymore and I can’t invest in this relationship anymore. He has to pull the weight now. He has to think about what has happened. He has to internalize my pain, my disappointment, my confusion, my lack in trust for his ability to think about my needs, his selfishness. He expect it to be on his timeline again.